im sorry

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by total eclipse, Apr 8, 2010.

  1. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    im sorry for everything
    for somehow failing you
    im sorry you see me as a nothing
    god ive done everything i could do
    i just want for you to take some accountability
    but each time i try this move
    you throw it back at me
    god i just need to scream
    i know i screw up okay
    i know somehow i did
    but give me an fff break
    because iam dying from all of this
    can you not see i am dead already
    do you not see my lifeless stare
    yet everday i try to succeed
    you hurt me deep in every way
    but no i am to be okay
    I have a beautiful excape i really do
    one day this pain will take me away
    forever from you
    i tried to tell you
    but you cannot see
    your pain i guess is greater then mine
    i will continue to fight as long as i can
    but eventually you alone will have to take a stand
    i am tired so tired i just am so weak
    how am i to go on
    when there is no hope inside of me
    please please stop take care of you
    because i can't anymore
    i can't i can't i can't
    please god i can't keep doing this ican't
    oh make it stop make her stop make her see
    the damage she is doing to her life and to me.
     
  2. jnine

    jnine Well-Known Member

    hello ~violet~,
    i don't know what to say,but i do want you to know i am here and listening for you.
     
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Oh Violet, you are my soul twin. This is exactly how I felt when I tried for years to help my daughter. I said a prayer for you. PM me if you want to. :hug:
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    maybe if you pray he will listen as he does not hear mine
     
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I understand your pain and frustration violet.....
    I tried to help my child and failed....
    you are so good at helping everyone else ..now it's time to look after yourself too....
    is there any way you can get a few days to yourself?...
    we are here for you.....
    I care...((HUGS))
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    somehow somehow she will get well again somehow she has too
     
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I hope so......hugs
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i can't stay strong
    i always let her win
    i am not a good parent
    i have no strength within
    i can't say no to her
    ive tried so very hard
    but it is to late now
    to change the way things are
    she will always know
    the strings to pull with me
    i can't do this ican't
    thats why i know
    its better for me to leave
    it is the only way she will grow
    there has to be a point
    where i just walk away
    god ive tried you know have
    to make this all go away
    but it is here to stay
    and i am at the point
    i can't keep this
    i can't
    it is either her or me
    and i will never hurt her so
    it will have to be lord
    it will have to be me that goes
    she has to grow she has to
    somehow i just know she will
    just as i did so many years ago
    on your own you learn to survive and live
    why must life be like this
    why can't we all just coexist
    i am harming her by being here
    i know this don't keep telling me this because i know it okay
    but i can't change anything
    i just can't ive tried
    giving her the tools but as long as im alive
    she won't use them
     
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    another day of hell yes
    when will it end
    i wish someone would step in
    to give one hope then take away
    i don't care anymore
    i sit and stare out my window
    with dam tears that fall
    and wonder when
    and how i can end it all
    but that would make me very small
    hold on fight the pain
    some day these things will change
    but not today
    god i just want togo away i do
    but i can't because it would destroy you
    let the pain come and go
    just another day to get thru
    tired so tired so dam tired
    its okay m somehow youwill be okay.
    just it won't be today
    tomorrow maybe
     
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    so sorry violet....I hoped things were improving for you.*hug*.:pinkrose:
     
  11. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Your poetry is always so strong and so deep. That kind of strength can only come from one that feels it. You my dear have that strength. I know it is tested so much every damn day. And I know the tired you feel. No matter how many hours or even days of sleep you can get, you wake up tired. Not so much physically but so badly emotionally.

    Hun your strength has helped so many here. Please take a moment now and let us help you. If I were there I'd wrap my arms around you and give a hug that would show you how important you are to so many. Give you the hug you keep hoping to get from someone else. That hug is coming hun. Not today, maybe tomorrow. But she will one day see and give you that hug you need and then you can get the rest you need. You wont have to go anywhere. You will be able to sit at that window, look out at the sunset, lay down and know that the next day all that you fought for is set right.

    Violet, you are anything but small. Your heart alone is gigantic!!!!! :arms: xxxxxxooo
     
  12. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    oh God Carla you can see so well you undestand so well i would not know what to do if someone hugged me i would not do well i think but you are right some day somehow this will all change and i will have my girl back again oh god i need this sadness to end i do Hey the sunis out today time to dry these dam tears yes going out to enjoy the fall weather and feel the cold air It will make me feel more alive. Tahnks for all your kindness Carla and IV and everyone
    Time to help me a bit have to decide to try meds again i guess take care everyone okay YOur words mean so much to me thank you