First of all, gentlelady, I can't read the initial post about hanging on. If I did, I don't think I could control my tears and I'm hanging on by my fingernails as it is. Please forgive me. I give up. You all win. Who are you all? Diabetes. Arthritis - hips and knees (sometimes so bad I need crutches to walk). Overweight. High Cholesterol. Depression. Dead-end job working for someone with tapioca for brains. Pain. All the time. Morning, noon and night. Drugs to help me sleep, drugs to keep me awake. Nothing for pain, though - can't have that. Father who pushed exercise at me like it was the Magnum Innominandum. Plodding through one stupid, useless day after another, after another, after another. I used to think "If I can just get through these few months, I'll be ok". Then it became "If I can just get through these couple of weeks, I'll be ok". Now it's "I can't get through. There is no end, except in death" I don't want to live, I want to die. Some call it passive suicide. They're right. If someone told me I had inoperable cancer and months to live, I'd shake his/her hand and buy them a steak dinner, strawberry cheesecake and a nice cognac and espresso for dessert. My time is coming soon, and all I can do is pray that it's quick and painless. My experiences with death show that it won't be. Maybe I'll make out that living will my wife keeps pestering me about. The last thing I want is to spend the next 20 years hooked up to machines. If that's not God's will, then come and get me. Heaven or hell, I don't care. I'm tired and I want to go home. I just wish I knew where that is.