It hurts. That's nothing new to any of you, you must have had the same thought a million times before. I'm sorry I don't have anything more original to say... I can't pretend I don't feel anything anymore and I'm just so sick of trying. I can't be who they're needing me to be. I really do wish I could. Please believe me. It's a crushing weight that never leaves my shoulders, the constant reminder in the back of my mind, "Keep going, is that the best you can do? They're watching you. Remember your job. It doesn't matter what you think or feel. It's not your life. They demand complete obedience." I have to do what they want. I don't have a choice. I only wanted them to be proud, but I see more and more that that's not possible. It's the overwhelming presence of Failure: when your best just isn't good enough. It's all the yelling that I can't keep from hearing. It's the angry tirades screaming that I'm selfish, deceitful, manipulative, and a plethora of other things. It doesn't matter how many times I apologize. I exist. That's enough. I'm so sorry. It hurts so much. I can't see another way out, and yet that is one more failure. I'm down on my knees- I cannot please. My blood is flowing all over me. I'm trying to keep it all together, but I no longer have the strength. I'm sixteen.