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I'm Sorry...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by BornFree, Nov 29, 2010.

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  1. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    :i'm sorry: I don't really know what to say and feel bad posting here when I haven't supported anyone yet. I am just so scared, I tried to overdose on Friday, but it didn't work. I haven't told anyone other than Samaritans and SF. My husband just thought I was ill not realising I was so sick from all I'd taken.
    I have told my husband I need to see the Mental Health nurse tomorrow, at the Psychologists practice, but am terrified they try to admit me. I don't think I could cope with going to hospital (I was abused so men other than my husband terrify me) and we don't have child care... so with my husband working shifts I just can't go to hospital. I know my husband will be furious if he knew and I am scared they tell him.
    Yes, I took the overdose and I have children... awful I know, but they have special needs and although I love them to bits I just honestly thought they would be better off without me. I am useless I can't help myself let alone them.
    I just feel so overwhelmed. I don't know what to say to the nurse. I am already on AD since March and I am scared if she knew how I really feel that she'd admit me. But then I'm scared to not say... in case I land up stuck like this... and in case I lose it again and did it properly next time. Then again what if she doesn't have time to see me...
    I am also meant to be studying and already had to cancel one tutorial, my essay is due and I haven't even managed the plan yet.
    Sorry for waffling. I hope what I have written makes sense, my mind is in such a muddle at the moment.
    Take care
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Your class is unimportant in comparison to your survival. If dropping it would make things better, that might be a good thing to do. You might also be able to talk to the instructor and get an extension for your classwork.

    don't know what to say about the nurse.

    I hope that things get better!
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    You shouldn't feel sorry for voicing what you need.. It can be hard to feel like we are worth what we need.. I understand that.. I also understand the Hospital thing.. I have bad PTSD in hospitals.. and so.. I really cant go either.. :( But if you have ODed u do still need to be checked out because it may have caused some internal damage that you cant feel or see.. I also understand the special needs part.. not as a parent.. but my brother had special disabilities and its very difficult to take care of kids with needs by yourself or even as a family.. It can be heartbreaking and depressing..

    The best thing you can do is ask your therapist what you need to do.. And try to figure out and explain with them whats causing these feelings.. Maybe seeing if there are any support groups out there for parents with kids that have special needs in your area.

    I'm not sure If I helped much but I know you can pull through.. I did and have.. not easily though.. It takes time and persistence.. And I still am working through it.

    Good luck
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    What you are saying echoes so much of what we have felt...we have done things we are afraid and ashamed of...please speak to someone and get the help you need...test the waters with your husband, tell him you are very depressed and work from there...how old are you children? are any newborns or youngsters? Also, caring for a child with special needs is so draining, is there a way to get respite care? Please investigate the entitlements that you can get to take some of the pressure off of you...and about not helping, you help us when we can help you...that is the gift of doing this..please keep posting and stay safe...we are here...big hugs, J
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