I'm sorry

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Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend
I've made the decision. I'm done. I have nothing left in me. I've pushed myself too long and I can't fight anymore. I've begun cutting ties and saying goodbyes.
Josh! :( Don't do anything.. Please. What has happened? What ties have you cut? Please don't hurt yourself. I know I've said this to you before but I mean it, things CAN and WILL get better. Think of your kids. <3

PM me if you need to talk.


Staff Alumni
Hey Josh,

I want to let you know that your contributions and presence around here (SF) do not go unnoticed.

Thinking of you,


total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Please Josh call crisis line go to hospital please. The pain will pass hun it will I know you don't believe it but it will so please hold on here to your friends okay hugs
I've made the decision. I'm done. I have nothing left in me. I've pushed myself too long and I can't fight anymore. I've begun cutting ties and saying goodbyes.
I have first got to know you in the thread : the banned game.. I loved your jokes with WC (wildcherry) and i :love: :hug:

Don't end it Josh.. we love your presence here.. I have been through the pain for more than 10 years + and i was about to end it because there is nothing left for me too. But my senior counsellor also my best friend keep asking me to push on and fight it.. Just head out of your house and keep running (on the safe path) until you have no more breath to run, then walk home and sleep.. Do this everyday..yeah and 1 more thing..

"the banned game"
Josh aka delusive-sunshine will be unbanned from the game because i want to read more jokes coming out from him..:love::smile:


Fiber Artist
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
Talk to us Josh. I know I'm late but we are here for you. Call crisis if you need to. Please do try.
Thinking of you in England buddy - got a spare room if you ever came here with whoever you want!

Well right now - we could see the riots, or the riots - or maybe later on we will catch another riot.

So don't fly now!

Seriously though mate - I know were you are - I've camped out in that territory for so long I think I just got used to it. But at times - sure - we do think that maybe life is no good. We feel like shopping for a tombstone - life seems like it has no more options left.

Well - I hate that feeling! It makes my blood boil!

I curse my own miserable DNA sometimes - rant at the stars! But - something, someone, somewhere always comes up. Life always changes - it is a motion from birth to death - and sometimes we need to leave the path we are on and take another.

You do not have to kill yourself - you kill off those areas of life which drag you down. For me its boredom. Boredom makes me want to drink half a bottle of whiskey and hang off my balcony which is so high up - you'd be dizzy looking down. But boredom - I would hang off it just for the buzz. That feeling of being alive? I mean - it feels so REAL.

So danger for me has always been a technique and strategy to rid myself of boredom. Plus spiritual stuff also. And lots of other things.

The danger is of course that you lead a life which is reckless - drunk, drugs and a series of affairs all based on the compromise of having no emotional attachment. You might as well be dating one of those 'Love Dolls' -well 'dating' is perhaps not quite the word!

That path is destructive - its actually a slippery slope and you really do go careering down it and one day (if you are lucky) you either wake up in the street - or with some random woman - you WAKE UP and realise that boredom is catching up on you.

No matter how much you drink - how big a variety of drugs you consume - no matter if your kicking 3 woman out of the bed every morning you will wake up one day and feel like dying.

I used to sit on top of high speed elevators in work. The flew up 50 storeys - man - the adrenaline was just insane. One Irishman I knew - actually used to get on with me to get rid of hangovers. He called me a 'crazy English bas****' - but at least I was usually sober!

Anyhow - one day we just fitted a new lift. One of the lads wanted to ride on top - but I stopped him because it was the first actuall test. The lift was sent from the ground floor 50 storeys up - no stopping! It was a fireman's lift so it was very small and the ride on top is even more exciting due to the fact if you leant over 8 inches too far - your head would be decapitated - and limbs would pretty much flying.

I'm not saying its clever - I was trained and know the dangers.

So - the lift shoots up - and smashes into the little control room that was on top! Smashed through metal and concrete and the lift was kind of half the size afterwards - a write off. It was tremendous fun. I mean - we got more work refitting it and all had a laugh at the idiot who miscalculated the lifts ability to stop.

Had I been on top of it - well, I did think about that and was actually glad I was not!

Anyhow mate - just relaying something because I know the trick with suicide is to NOT let yourself slip into the thought-process. I can allow myself maybe 5 minutes of thinking about it - and a trigger will become apparent - and then the battle begins!!!

So I talk to people - just talk - not personal shares!

Its a good idea to get a sponsor also - I mean someone who you don't have to hide things with.

You really need strategies and I have plenty of them lined up.

Anyhow else here who would frankly be tempted to die out of sheer boredom?

Or am I alone in that?

And is that a selfish reason or what? lol - it is pathetic really. But - to be honest I know no different. I don't know what its like to just feel 'normal' - but I look at many people and thank god for that!

Anyway - I hope you can share more mate - I know you put a lot of posts out here so I will read some as I owe you that much.

I do recall some of your story - but as ever there are so many here and I'll take time to know most of them!

My prayers - if that is your thing - if not, my prayers regardless - and good wishes.

Hope you have some people you can talk to.


Thanks for all your help here also bro.

Hope you stick around.



Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend
I'm just having a really hard time coping with everything. There is always all these little everyday things going on that bring me down but recently there has been even worse things happening. I've just reached my limit is all... I don't know how to push past this.
:hug: Do you wanna tell us a little about what these worse things are? You don't have too but we might be able to help better.

Pushing past things is never easy but it is possible. You have us and others in your life that care about you to help you. PM me or text or something if you need to talk. xx


Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend
And here I am again. In the state of mind in which I see no escape from hurting so badly. Life is literally crushing me. I've done what I can and now I feel its time for me to go.
Hey Josh, i have no magic wand, only my caring and my wishes for your safety and desire to climb out of the pit that has haunted you for way too long.
You know how loved you are, we both know you have heard it all before and we have a choice to disregard that love.
Do me a favour though, spend two minutes looking at what you have got, not what you think you have not.
Yesterday i was in a dark place and it helped me no end.
If you can do that, tomorrow you will be able to add another to your list, compassion for yourself.
Mucho love Ninja boy.
P.S. Gotta ask, where did the new name come from, something you and Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeebbbbb wanna announce...................
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So have you spoke to your girlfriend

How does she feel about being a suicide widow?

Sorry to sound harsh - but if you got a woman - you got to talk to her.

Maybe you have - but maybe not enough.

Whatever your problems are - its not worth dying for them.

Well - most problems.

sometimes - sure - people have nothing.

But - for someone so young as you - that's just not the case.

Hope you can get back on game - and overcome the latest episode of the long running soap opera that seems to be our lives at times.

I want Charlie Sheen to play me!

Watch this...




One speed - one gear - go!

Dancing to this **** dude.

Because - I'm me.
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