i am sorry for letting you all down. today is my day to die. i am tired of trying. i am tired of just surviving. i'm afraid i have created quite the mess for myself and like i will never be able to see daylight again. even if i did i would screw that up too. i can't not screw things up and i am hopeless to change that no matter how much i want to. i'm an idiot. just plain and simple. i'm a dumbass. you may feel differently about it, but i am the one who would have to live with this and i just can't do it anymore. again i'm sorry. please take care of yourselves.