Im sorry..

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Kiba, Sep 16, 2012.

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  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    ODed couple days ago.. fucked myself up good.. :'( took my anger out on everyone.. got scared tonight cuz most my body was shaking.. after i felt this pain in my body as though everything was heavy, burned and stung all at once.. took a 96.8f.. got some warmer clothes on..

    Calling regular doc Monday.. i fell like shit.. i can't say or do anything right.. i don't think i am going to.sleep tonight.. im freaked out.. i know ive hurt nearly all my supports..

    Just going to sit here and cry.. really fucked myself up thid time.. :'(

    Feeling incredibly stupid and guilty.. why do i even bother.. im just hurting more people..

    The effects of my OD are terrible.. i want to.still die.. my friend irl still doesn't know i ODed..
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    i wish i could help.
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    After what happened last night.. i.. just wanted to let ppl know.. im going to checkmyself in.. against my previous judements.. not sure i can do that again.. like last night.. i hope you are all alright.. im sorry i have caused so much trouble..
  4. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Heyroo Youkai

    I'm glad you are still with us. :hug: OD's are hard. They often go wrong, and they are hard on your system.

    I suggest getting checked out by a doctor, and like you said you are going to see about getting checked in.

    I'm glad you are able to have the gumption to go and see a doctor. You are to be commended!

    :hug: I hope things get better.
  5. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I just got discharged and they flushed out my system.. they couldn't rly tell me what happened last night but.. i am re-thinking what i should do about my mental stability.. maybe i should get back on zyprexa.. if im self medicating with medication, why would zyprecs that is to help me, be any different.. i will have to get into therapy still and i got a few resources.. so im going to look at those.

    Fortunately all my bloodwork and other levels were good or normal.. im just supprised tbh they r normal with all the shit ive done to myself..

    I guess thats my update..
  6. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    They usually discharge you if you are an urgent need or if you aren't coming in by ambulance. Last time I OD'd I ended up not breathing on the way there. Was in the psych unit for nearly a month. Did things get better...? My meds were adjusted, but they needed to constantly be adjusted afterwards too. Could never get them right. We'll see how things go with my pdoc appt tomorrow.

    I'm glad you are getting things taken care of. Glad you are getting help.
  7. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I was more concerned for the physical implications caused by the OD. I OD'ed 3 or 4 days ago, so they couldn't really do much.. I was afraid last night could have been a seizure if not an irregular panic attack.. But I've never experienced one (panic attack) the same way it was last night, before.. The OD was more impulsive.. Though I have been using the same medication to self medicate for my anxiety.. In smaller OD quantities.. Also I OD'ed on the same med with alcohol a couple months ago when I was in my depressed state then as well..

    I have been having a difficult time with my current physical situation, losses, and a few other things..

    I just wanted to make sure the OD wasn't still going to kill me, because last night I felt at one point I was going to die..

    Like I said, unfortunetly they couldn't tell me what had happened last night but they did clear my system out and checked my labs and I should be alright.

    I have been off all psychiatric meds for almost 2yrs.. I am fine in my "good" state, but whenever the "depressed" state hits my suicidality and control feels more limited.. And that "depressed state" hit me a week ago.

    I am calling my doctor tomorrow and going to see if I can get in to see her soon.. And I'm going to hopefully try and get into another mental health program.
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