I'm sorry

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by unnoticed, Sep 27, 2012.

  1. unnoticed

    unnoticed Well-Known Member

    I hurt everyone that I get close to. I don't mean to but I always do. I fuck everything up. EVERYTHING. I am not surprised I am alone. I am not surpised no one cares. I am sorry... I wish I could change everything. Go back in time. But I can't. Everything could be different. I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have hurt anyone. I wish I got it right the first time. Why do I still bother? WHy did I even get out of bed? For what? Why do I keep trying? It hurts so fucking much. I just want everything to stop. The guilt, the regrets, the sadness, the fear. Everything is happening so fast. I want it to stop. I want everything to stop.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Atram, has something happened recently to stir all this up? I'm sorry you feel that you have made a mess of everything. I'll listen if you want to share here or in PM...? Be safe.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun we care ok i hope you continue hun to talk to us let it all out here ok hugs
  4. akalee_786

    akalee_786 Banned Member

    Sometimes things happen for a reason you know what I'm talking about... You can't give up and I know you atram I know you won't your stronger than you know people say of you face your worst fear you become stronger from what I experienced I faced all my fears I faced death to loss I may have my low moments very low in fact but you can't give up without a fight right? I know how your feeling fuck look at the mess I'm in.. But u always said not to give up things you say to me clearly you mean it of u were such a pessimism you wouldn't tell me to stay strong I know that you can get through this I know you can and don't say people don't know you know very well people care me for one :p you can do this you may trip along the way but that's life right.. People say if you don't trip up along the way you haven't lived
    Always with you
  5. J185

    J185 Member

    I feel the same exact way a lot of times. I feel like EVERYTHIN is going wrong in my life. Like if it wasn't for bad luck, I would have no luck at all. I used to believe that if everything is going wrong, then eventually it has to turn around and things have to start going right, sort of like a balance of some sort. Maybe I'm wrong though, I'm not sure anymore. My life was terrible before, and I couldn't believe it wasn't rock bottom because I feel even lower at this particular moment. Things actually did get worse for me, but on well, fuck it. I said I was sorry to whatever power is out there too but it doesn't seem to have made a difference. I'm still getting screwed over for whatever reason. So be it, I guess this is what I really deserve.........FUCK YOU lol
  6. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    Gosh i don't even know where to begin.

    one of the things to learn, is that; not everything bad that happens is your fault. most bad things that happen are not your fault. Very rarely will it be your fault. Often even, there really is no blame to place anywhere. If you could try practicing, not to be so quick, to beat up your own self. One way to do this is to get about five ppl as support ppl...even ppl here at the site. When you feel like you have done something, or you are about to blame you, go ask each of those ppl individually if they think you are honestly to blame. Don't worry if one, says it is your fault..don't fixate on that. This might help you until you learn to judge those situations on your own. remember you were given tainted glasses with which to view the world...need to learn to see on your own and in proper light. ((hug))
    You may still feel those feelings, but your mind you can look at it in proper light...eventually your head may be able to convince you that you don't have to always take on those feelings of blame/guilt...feelings are feelings...we can choose how we react to those. sometimes we have to talk our head through it. Kind of like you know with feelings of fear...logically you know there is not a huge monster in the lake that is gonna eat you, so it really is safe to swim, but the feelings of fear may still be there so one must use one's head to convince themselves all is well (sorry for poor example i'm ill) it takes time...you were wrongly taught everything bad that happens, is your fault ((hug)). Maybe give it a try?

    In relationships of any type, bumps in the road happen. they just happen...it's not like your fault or their fault. maybe sometimes but we are each responsible for how we feel. i mean unless you are intentionally throwing darts at someone. we need to be understanding of each other. be responsible for our own feelings and how we react to those feelings. also, misunderstandings happen a lot. that's why it's so important to communicate. if one does not fully understand, questioning is the appropriate thing to do.

    I still highly recommend my suggestion of last evening; the used store :)

    Also, keep in mind, most ppl don't know how to respond to depression, mental illness, glitches in the road of life, trauma, ptsd, abuse, etc It's not your fault they don't know how, it's not your fault when they run away from those issues, or when they say or suggest stupid things like for you to get over it, it's just society kiddo. For now, being around those who actually understand these things may help. Maybe try not to confide so much in those who have no real understanding, it's almost like setting yourself up to be hurt. ((hug)) Need understanding/supportive ppl around you right now.

    you can't go back in time ((hug)) but you can go forward from this point. It's hard work. It's grueling. it hurts at times, there are many tears, It's worth it. ((hug))

    Also what is the guilt about? Does that really belong to you? ((hug))

    (((((gentle hug)))))) Calm. Relax. Hey, Sadeyes has some nice meditation vids/music she could share with you i am sure. I know it may sound cheesy right now, but if you train yourself, force your self, it can actually begin to help over time. Heck, you could even; when you begin to feel poorly, just put the music on as background...eventually it may begin to help...i don't know how to explain this...you are training yourself. I began doing self hypnosis as a kid (was taught due to a severe trauma) and i used to think it stupid, but i faithfully used it despite my own thoughts/feelings about it. Now many years later, all that is required for me to relax, is to begin deep breathing and BAM within just a breath or two...does not matter where i am, what i am doing instant blood pressure really low (been tested many times) and pulse/breathing very calm. Sometimes if we can calm the body, the rest eases a bit. It's just my body is now trained to respond that way even against my own mind's desires or level of upsetness (except it doesn't work always with my ptsd)

    Hey, i also think you and Peach could be really good for each other ((hug))
  7. unnoticed

    unnoticed Well-Known Member

    Thank you for all the replies