I'm trying to send out messages... things that say I'm not ok. I'm selling all my books so that my mum doesn't have to sort them out when I'm gone... I've bought a kit to make your Will... I've even talked about having suicidal feelings... I feel like no one is getting how close I am... I don't know why I'm trying, even. I don't want to be stopped. But maybe I do? Because I want people to understand. I guess these don't sound like very good signs ... for me they are huge ... I am rubbish at talking about how I am feeling. I can only do things that show. And I have talked to a couple of people but they just say 'things will get better, I promise'. I can't believe that. Not sure what I want from this post... some reassurance that people get it, maybe? That my feelings are real.