I know I don't post often, mostly I just lurk the chat rooms or read the threads. I thought I could handle it by myself, a form of self-medication if you will. Some friends/enemies/triggers even call cutting self-medication. I haven't resorted to that, but I've been tempted so many times. I've more or less jumped the gun, going straight to suicide attempts. I've pressed the blade diagonally against my wrist, only to get caught seconds before. I've arranged pills up in neat, colorful piles to take, only to get preoccupied with the organization itself. Nowadays, I've managed to abstain from dangerous thoughts for 2 1/2 months (a personal record), but it seems they've built up. The mood swings are coming more frequently and more violently. It's getting hard to hide from my friends. The one who feels the brunt of my aggresion is my mother, who sees how horrible things have gotten. Here's the kicker: she refuses to recognize that anything is wrong, that it's all normal teenage stuff (you know, kicking holes in walls, furiously scratching at my arms until they bleed, picking at scars determinedly, pacing and muttering to myself. Normal, right?). I was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age, but she claimed the doctors were lying and that "only stupid weird kids get ADD" and mental issues. I've asked to see a psychologist multiple times, but she insists I don't need one, and only need "a mother's love and some tea". My position is that either I find out what's wrong with me with help from a professional and hopefully cure/lessen it, or continue alone hoping with every step I don't reach my disastrous destination. I fear it's fast approaching. tl;dr, I know. I'll attempt to make the font easier.