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I'm still alive, so there's always hope?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheBLA, Jul 9, 2008.

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  1. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    That is what many say, as long as you are still alive, there will always be hope. Your life can change for the better, you can be cured, you can be saved, things will get better if you continue to live. I know that things can also get worse but I think as pathetic as I am, I REALLY HOPE that there's no place to go but up!

    I hope that's true and I can force myself into believing that. That I absolutely CANNOT commit suicide and so I will be forced to improving my life and gaining happiness. Because if I am to eventually commit suicide soon, what is the point of me taking steps to improve my life now?

    It is hard when you are 21 but extremely far behind your peers, never having experienced what they have, not done the things they have, not knowing the things they know. I am so extremely abnormal and you just have to "fit in" as so many teens and older feel. I am simply very far behind, I have been sheltered, not gone outside and gained experiences. And I keep wanting to continue my sheltered life, its hard to just get out and be "normal" after living this crap life for so long.

    I bet many others can relate here as well, being sheltered in your home, spending time at home instead of going out and being "normal".

    Like many here who have said, I missed out on my important formative years and so feel I am screwed forever. I will never get married, who would marry a freak like me, never have children (at least what my parents would like), never have a "normal" life. I feel that I am so far behind, I am so messed up that I will never have a normal life, I have been a loser and so will remain that way and so of course think of suicide. You think like that when you feel that things won't get better, they'll stay the same crappy way or even get worse so why not get out of your life now?

    So I guess I should just think "the hell with it! Who cares if your far behind your peers? Just go at your own pace, ignore the peer pressure, the mocks, the jeers and do what makes you happy."

    I guess I just can't kill myself can I? All I can do is move forward and try to improve my pathetic life. Even if everyone else has a much better life than me, I should just press on and go at my own pace. Keep on running the race even when everyone else is way ahead and you are far behind dead last?

    Sorry if I didn't go into much detail about my problems, I never do. I have a hard time opening up. :sad:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 9, 2008
  2. noplacetogo

    noplacetogo Well-Known Member

    Hi Rahul. I feel the same around my peers as well, that I am years behind in what I'm supposed to have experienced by now. I always feel like an outcast among most people and even around younger people who these days have seen it all apparently. It's heartbreaking at times, like you're a tourist in someone else's world. An outsider who will never belong. It kills you, but you don't have to let it. You said here that if you're still alive, there's still hope and nothing's ever been more true. You may be behind in life according to your peers, but is the life you're judging yourself against really the life you want? I think we are too harsh on ourselves most of the time. We look at what other's are like and what they have and have experienced and start to feel inadequate and hate ourselves. Sure we may not be the definition of "normal", but why does it have to make us feel so bad about ourselves... who makes us feel this way? TV, magazines, godamned peers?? It's those who are different who make the most interesting people. Take as much time as you want or go as fast as you want, either way, don't let others dictate how you judge yourself. And remember that just because someone else has had more life experiences does not make them a better person.
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    I hope its not too early to bump this thread up?

    It seems that the threads I make get less attention and replies than others. What am I doing wrong? Maybe its because I am not immediately suicidal unlike others here and of course they need more attention? I guess I answered my own question..........I was hoping for more replies.

    I must be an attention whore right now and a real jerk.......:sad:
  4. noplacetogo

    noplacetogo Well-Known Member

    No, you're not an attention whore or a jerk Rahul. Everyone posts in hopes that someone will reply. I know I've gotten 0 replies on some threads. I guess you did answer the question, the ones who need immediate help usually get more replies which is good. I guess those who've been here longer usually don't get as many replies because we're still here so it's assumed we might be ok, or something like that. Or we should be ok by now:blink:
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You are starting to open up more Rahul and that is a good thing. I don't see you as seeking attention. You may be behind your peers socially because you have not had all the experiences they have had, but it isn't too late for you to get out there and start living . You will catch up. i know it is hard to make yourself go out after being isolated so long, but start small and work your way up. Give people a chnace to get to know you. I think a wonderful person is hiding there below the surface and would really like to come out. Take care. You can make a difference in your life. :hug:
  6. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    One issue seems to be that there are too many people here. I might be wrong.

    I feel that the forum is too crowded, and those that have stuck around here for some time, that visit the chat room, are popular and well known will get the attention. But that seems normal actually, that's human nature. But it is my fault also for not visiting here more often, not going into chat, though I am a very boring person as well.

    I feel that some here are ignored, not intentionally, but your just a small fish in a sea of other fish, they probably worse off than you and so they get attention and replies. We cannot give our full attention to everybody here, there's just not enough resources to go around. Especially since most will look at and pay attention to the threads and topics on the first page, not go and look into the later pages to reply to topics.

    Maybe this forum is not for me, maybe I need to go to a forum more suited for depression instead of suicide? :unsure:
  7. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Hola Rahul, I haven't been here in ages but it's summer vacation and thought I would come see what's up. I agree with you, it is pretty hard to be heard over the many voices here. I'm guilty of doing the same thing to be honest and I rarely notice I'm doing it. I don't think another forum is the answer though, you might just run into the same problem somewhere else if you don't have time to visit frequently. A personal buddy might be a good idea, someone that you can talk to and get the daily stress out of the way.

    Friends are key, I have never met a truly happy person that didn't have a few very close friends and I doubt I ever will. Friendship gives you something to look forward to, people to talk to and have fun with, things to talk about with other people, people to relate and compare to, they make your life feel valued and meaningful, that what you do matters. You aren't a boring guy, you just haven't gone out there yet and become interesting. I say yet because no one was born interesting, no one was born with a good sense of humor and a vast array of hilarious jokes, stories and witty sarcasm. That stuff was all gained throughout life, experiencing and growing as a person.

    All that matters, Rahul, is that YOU are okay. No one knows you like you know you, there is not a single other person's opinion about you that holds more credibility than yours. I don't mean that you should disregard everyone's advice but I do mean that you should do what they say if YOU want to because your life is yours and yours alone, you should take pride in that and feel good that you care about yourself enough to trust yourself. This post is getting off track so I'll end it here but if you take anything at all from this post let it be the part about real friends. They matter far more than I can express here, without them you have nothing and with them you have gained everything.
  8. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    hi Rahul
    im not sure why others tend to "ignore" many posts..
    but i can tell you why i do it sometimes.
    it is becouse i feel so much like shit that i just dont have the straingh to replay
    my posts are also ignored sometimes, but its ok for me, i post them only to let my pain out, sometimes it helpes, sometimes it not.

    Even now i feel totaly depsressed
    i feel like dead, rotting from the inside, its a bit difficult to replay with such fealings, but as u can i see, i replayed, becouse i know that some of us really need it, need to hear others...
  9. Mustafa

    Mustafa Active Member

    Rahul, I feel the same way even after suicide attempt 8 months ago. But i thing I know is that don't give a f*** to what others think. It's your life not theirs. If they don't understand you find people who do. That's the best thing to do.

    As you told you are not too open, so my advice to you will be to find the things that are missing in your life and what do you have to do to get them. Then start from small things and do them step by stem.

    My life is crapy too, but I still hope and will try to change it.
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