i'm still alive

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by bella muerte, Aug 20, 2007.

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  1. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    i'm not sure if this is in the right place :mellow:

    but, well, i took an overdose with alcohol a week ago.
    i didn't go think of going to hospital till a friend made me go 3 three days later, and by then i could barely balance myself correctly.
    i lied to them saying i hadn't eat,and the fact i went to the hospital alone and not with my friend (so my friend couldn't tell them i'd taken an overdose), they let me go.
    i've spent the weekend going about normally, and i'm sort of getting worser.
    i went to the hospital again yesterday, and i suddenly started throwing up everywhere..one nurse recognised me and i had a blood test done.
    i told them i felt better, and wanted to go home.
    but i had to stay until they had my blood test results back.
    i knew they would contact my parents once they knew i'd taken an overdose, so i left on my own accord.
    no one has called from the hospital today,
    i'm doubled up in nerves cos i'm scared of when they do contact my parents.
    i keep thinking of going out and and going somewhere.
    i'm not good with reactions, so i'd do anything to avoid my parents reactions when the hospital get in touch.
    i could be worrying over nothing, cos they might not even get in touch.
    but i'm also really panicking if they tell the police that there could be an overdosed suicidal teenager somewhere.
    i can manage when i'm sitting down, i just feel pain in my stomach and nauscious to say the least.
    i really need help!!
  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    Well, it would be the best if you went to the hospital and told what you have taken. I know it is the opposite of what you want, but it takes a lot of courage to do. :hug:
  3. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    thats what i lack... courage :S
  4. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Hey hun.You dont lack courage....you have been very very brave.I hope you can take the next step.But i know how hard it is.I feel for you a lot.Please feel free to post more here or private message me if you want to talk more about how you are feeling now or what has made you feel so low.im sorry things have got this bad for you.Please keep in touch.
  5. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    the temptation to just leave, is like a big wall that i can't get rid of!
    i'm so sorry i can't take much more !!
    but i just know i can't just end it ><
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