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I'm still angry with my ex

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by weevil, Mar 10, 2010.

  1. weevil

    weevil Well-Known Member

    We were only together 6 months, it's now been more than a year and I'm still angry with the way she dealt with things. I guess I'm not over it and that's why I've spent the last year desperate for love when I used to never care at all whether I was single or not, I even used to be pretty cold and not interested.

    She broke up with me so that she didn't have to deal with my depression, the medication that had always worked in the past had a terrible reaction. She had her step dad travel miles to kick me out of her flat. They brainwashed me into thinking I was some kind of monster that had done something terrible. It took me a long time to realise this wasn't true. Something seriously wrong could have happened to me on that trip I had to take, I needed doctors not to travel alone where I believed that people were following me and planted on the coach especially to watch me.

    We tried to be friends afterwards but since she'd dumped me to escape my problems she certainly didn't feel she should deal with them now. It wasn't working, the meds were making me crazy and this was making it much worse, I couldn't trust my own judgement or control my emotions. I decided to walk away from her and told her this. She chose to read it differently.

    She was the one who phoned me the next morning, saying "oh, you're still here then", sounding annoyed that I was still alive. She'd taken my walking from her for her own sake as a suicide note even though it never mentioned any such thing. She said actually she did care after all even tho she had kept saying didn't, and she did want to help and be there for me. She said she would phone the doctor for me, which she did, and texted me to say they would phone me. I'm afraid of the phone ringing at the best of times so couldn't answer it. I told her thanks for that but I can't answer the phone. She replied "Right I'm calling an ambulance then".

    She called an ambulance on me, I'd said nothing about killing myself or even hurting myself, all I tried to do was walk away from her which is what she had wanted before and I couldn't talk to a doctor. 2 paramedics and 2 police were in my flat all at the same time, this was horrifying for me, I couldn't wait for them to leave. I told them I was fine (well not fine, but not close to death), had made no threat of suicide or anything.

    After they left even though I thought she'd overreacted big time I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she must have been acting out of care since she'd expressed that earlier, so I phoned her. Her first words were "Stop phoning me". Then followed a tirade of abuse like "you've burnt your bridges with me", "I want nothing to do with you anymore".

    She wouldn't even give me an explanation for this u-turn. The only way I can intepret it is that she couldn't bare me walking away from her, she had to be the one to tell me to fuck off.

    Only a few weeks after dumping me she'd gone back to someone she'd dumped 5 years ago but hadn't actually seen in person since then saying this was the love of her life she was meant to be with. I really hope he either has already or dumps her at some point and it causes her a lot of emotional pain. She's never been dumped before, always been the dumper and had someone she's been stringing along as backup for when she's lonely. She deserves to know what it feels like.
  2. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    Firstly, you do not have to do this alone..There will always be someone here to listen and help.
    You have every right to be angry..What she has done is inexcusable and it sounds like you really need to cut her out of your life totally..
    I know sometimes the need to be held, loved & protected feels overwhelming, but for now, use us to carry some of that load & listen to you..Love & friendship comes from strange places..

    Keep your chin up hon..If you need someone to vent off at, my inbox is open..
    You are not alone hon, and if you let us, we'll be there.

    Peaceful thoughts to thee
  3. weevil

    weevil Well-Known Member

    Don't worry, she's not in my life, she wouldn't speak to me even if I tried to contact her as she believes she was the one that had to escape me.

    I just still can't understand why she acted as she did both with the ambulance and how she dumped me. If you were on medication that made you feel like you were on a permanent acid trip you would do some pretty crazy things to try and get relief from it and shouldn't be expected to rationally realise this. I never did anything abusive or harmful to her, only to myself, which I'm sure is scary but she noticed the weird behaviour early enough before it got worse but never mentioned a thing. I'm an adult, apparently it was my responsibility to realise this and to have fixed it myself. Going on the meds in the first place was my attempt at fixing it, what they did to me took my control away. I'd like to see her and her smug patronising step dad experience that feeling.

    If I had a partner who had done what I had done then I would grab them, hold them to me and never let go. Not attempt to kick them out onto the street and convince a family member to kick them out when they're physicly unable to move.

    I tried so hard to support her as well during her work stress, I made her lunch every day otherwise she wouldn't have eaten and ironed her clothes, all which she resented. She would never confide her problems to me, blaming my problems for making it so I wouldn't understand. Yet one of her reasons for dumping me was that she needed an adult who would be there for her as much as the other way round. How complete a contradiction is that?

    The whole of last year was where I tried so hard to care a lot about everyone but they resented and betrayed me as though my problems were on purpose to inconvenience them. Yet I apologised for my existance everyday and still begged them for the time of day. When I was so agoraphobic before xmas that I was afraid to be in other rooms of the house my "close" friend told me my problems were getting boring for her now. When I finally was completely honest about how bad my problems have been to another "close" friend (I always worried about how judgemental she was about others) I was told I use my anxiety as an excuse and I have done nothing but take from her (which is again not true).

    2009 was the worst year of my life, 2010 is where I need to be a lot more self-centered and not bend over backwards, causing myself a lot of pain just to prevent a minor inconvenience to someone else.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 10, 2010
  4. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    I am glad to hear that she has been removed from your life..I struggle to understand the thought processes of people like that.. Are they that self-centred or are they truly oblivious to the agony their actions cause..

    2009 was the worst year of my life, 2010 is where I need to be a lot more self-centered and not bend over backwards, causing myself a lot of pain just to prevent a minor inconvenience to someone else.[/QUOTE]

    This sounds positive..You should see this as giving your body and spirit the attention it deserves & needs..In your rush to meet her needs, it sounds like you have neglected yours.. Focus on your health and happiness hon, only when you are strong can you move away from the meds & the horrific side effects they bring.

    My ears are always open.
  5. weevil

    weevil Well-Known Member

    She did admit during a lot of it that she was being a bitch but had always done what she had to for herself and only herself.

    I'm not usually an angry person at all, when irritated I get annoyed with "things" - such as my mobile broadband connection at the moment and it's hatred for working - but never usually people. Of the 2 "friends" I mentioned in the last reply one of them is out of my life completely. It's a shame considering I'd known her for almost 8 years but I did nothing wrong to her so if she finds people with mental health problems so offensive then she's a destructive influence in my life and I'm better off without her. The other friend, well that feels more of a grey issue, I'm keeping my distance as we just don't want the same kind of friendships from people and I feel I get no respect from her at all.

    So I don't have a lot of close friends left now!
  6. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    Then add me as a friend on here..

    The offer is open if you wish..
  7. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    It sounds like the whole lot of those people were toxic for you. I am sorry they didn't understand. But you are better without them. Don't let people use you. Pardon my French, but your girl friend sounded like a huge C word. Don't worry girls like that end up being miserable trailer trash with 4 kids, an abusive husband, and generally fail at life. She did you a favor by rejecting you, because by your post she sounds like an awful bitch.
  8. weevil

    weevil Well-Known Member

    She's actually pretty middle class and before that incident was fairly relaxed and easy going while we were going out. She's had the abusive partner before though, she was with him in her late teens and then met him and got engaged to him again 5 years later. I think she had a knee jerk reaction that I was about to turn into him and screw myself up on drugs. What she didn't seem to understand was the drugs at fault were the ones legally prescribed to me by a professional :(

    I hate that she could never discuss things with me at all. I feel so upset when I read about people who try and try to talk to their partners with problems and get nowhere. She never tried once. It was like waking up oneday and she suddenly hated me.

    I don't want to feel this angry though, I want to move on and forget it. I don't know why I still am so angry. I'm not angry with the friend I also mentioned, I can quite easily forget her, but with the ex, I feel like I never got any closure on it and it never made sense to me.
  9. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    Sometimes you won't get an answer. But no matter what she is gone. She is not suffering because of you, but after a year you are still suffering. Just let it go. It s horrible and straight forward but it works. Life isn't fair and people do fuck you over. People pretend to love you only to use you. She isn't worth your time, your tears, or your pain. But life works interestingly sometimes. Most of my exes have horrible lives now. It may be sick but as I am over them, and that's how karma works sometimes. She will eventually be burned for fucking people over. But don't concern yourself with it. Just empty her out of your head and stay busy and active.
  10. weevil

    weevil Well-Known Member

    I've been performing all the actions of moving on, apart from this thread I never talk about it and don't think about it on purpose. It will just pop into my head sometimes randomly and then make me angry and I don't know why that is or if there's anything else I can do to stop it.
  11. spyke

    spyke Well-Known Member

    from the sounds of it you've every right to be angry but take it from someone who knows it well anger is messy and horrible and will consume you if left unchecked

    also trust me on this one... given what she's like and the pathetic need to be the "dumper" sooner or later that will karmically backfire on her in an explosive and yet hilarious way i guarantee it

    she'll run into someone who will play the game better than her and leave he sitting there distraught

    my suggestion at that point is to calmly answer her phone call
    (she probably WILL call you lol)
    and say "right that's it i'm ringing an ambulance"
    and then hang up and call the paramedics out to her place if you can

    revenge is a dish best served ice cold with a little bit of irony and humour ^_^
  12. weevil

    weevil Well-Known Member

    She won't call me, she has many better candidates to turn to than me. I was a big enough monster at the time for her to need to escape from but I doubt she even thinks about me anymore. I'm really not that important to her.