I am 56 years old my whole life has been bad, no that's not true from the age of four or five which is as far back as I can remember life has been totally shit, I have no childhood memories of happy family life, every relationship I have entered always ends with the same old problems, the low self esteem and total lack of confidence instilled and beaten into me relentlessly by my father hangs like a giant millstone around my neck. I was abducted from the street at fifteen following one of my many runaways from a very unhappy home, they took me to a really posh apartment in Brighton and four or maybe five men subjected me to three weeks of rape and abuse..(My fault of course) Last night I tried again to end it all by XXXX which is prescribed for a spinal injury I have following a fall from a ladder I am in constant pain and have chronic liver disease from a hepatitis C infection which I contracted when a teenage heroin addict, they tried to "Cure me" but the drugs have an adverse effect on my system and after two attempts the nhs is not willing to spend the £22,500 for another failed attempt. I have been told that I can expect to die from cancer of the liver and after 30 years of infection it could be happening as we speak. It's not an easy thing to do to kill oneself with a drug overdose! I have two failed attempts under my belt but I am learning. I have decided that despite it being the cleanest and most probably painless way to go but it is rarely successful. I found this place after finding out that The Samaritans now charge you for your phone calls. for the last three months since they cut my benefits I have only been able to eat for three or four days a week and have lost two and a half stone in weight I sit at home cold hungry and often without power for those that are thinking (He can afford a computer and connection I have a dongle and a laptop that is falling to bits. I don't even know why I am wasting the time to type this or if I will come back.