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Im still living...

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by alfaramz3, Oct 12, 2010.

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  1. alfaramz3

    alfaramz3 Member

    Here i am.
    Ive attempted death from the world more than the fingers on my hands by 5. [10 by 5] You can figure..Life isnt all thata good. im here to tell u about my survival.

    It was the day. The day i had enough i wasnt going to leave a note. Or any memories to anyone. i just wanted to leave..i wanted to die. Who would care? who would notice? ...Who would miss me...

    No one.

    That became evident when i became having thoughts ...and after five hours of contemplating...No one was there...i was done. i was pressured. i took xxxxx and i hid and i stood around and i had "Situations" By Escape the fate on.

    and i didnt kill myself yet...i cut myself first alittle...then allot...and it became like art. i was vanished from the world while the song went replay. and i finally took it and before i could stab myself in the heart my brother came down...He ran to the blood dripping down. he ran to my crying,my rant. and then he drove like mad down the streets on that rainy day at night.

    and i survived...
    do i regret it? No.
    Would i try it again? No.
    Do i still have contemplations ? Yes.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 14, 2010
  2. Khloe

    Khloe Well-Known Member

    Thank god for your brother.

    It makes me sad that you did that and felt that way, that nobody would care, or miss you .. Thats how i feel alot of the time.
    But they would, and there's always another answer, another way,
    a better one that taking yourself out of it all.

    How do you feel now?
    I'm glad you wouldn't do it again!

  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    We are so fortuate your brother found u because if he hadn't we would not know you...so glad you are not going to do that again...you are very much wanted here...big hugs, J
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Now you see just how much your bro cares for you you see how depression lies to us make us think noone cares when they do. I am glad your bro was there for you I hope he never has to see his brother suffer so greatly again.
  5. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Your post gave me chill bumps, Im so glad your brother was there to help you.

    Ever thought of writing?
  6. alfaramz3

    alfaramz3 Member

    I'm alright. I still wonder what would have happened? How would people feel now? Would anyone even visit my grave? But that dosen matter much cause my purpose now is to help others even if I can't save myself save someone else before there breaking point happens
  7. alfaramz3

    alfaramz3 Member

    Thank you. And yes my brother litterally is my hero.
  8. alfaramz3

    alfaramz3 Member

    Yes I do see :) and that's what I needed. Just love just someone.
  9. alfaramz3

    alfaramz3 Member

    Thank you. And yes :) I write on a daily basis.
  10. BornAgain

    BornAgain Well-Known Member

    Alfa, I am so glad you are alive, must be really scary to see what you were doing to yourself.

    One advice I want to give you is to love yourself more, we all need others to love us, but it starts with ourselves, once we do, we are happy and it's like if we are shining, people get close to you, also try to keep yourself busy to avoid bad thoughts, join groups, coeds, sports, gyms, volunteer and you will then be surrounded by new friends that you choose and will care so much for you.

    I will pray for you, God bless you.
  11. alfaramz3

    alfaramz3 Member

    im glad too and i used to think it was scary but the thoughts of being scared feel weak to me. and latley ive been avoiding myself. avoiding the world. my friends my emotions everything. i bury myself inside my homework for hours and after that watch tv shows with people who have disfunctunal lives. ill try. ill try...
  12. alfaramz3

    alfaramz3 Member

    Dear People,
    i do want to state i do have an addiction to escaping...but its not cutting,drugs,hitting people, or anything like that. its masturbation....

    and i cant help it ive been trying. my counseler says its from the emotion inside me and the stress. you know what else stress does is make my hair fall out. and make everything confusing witch then makes me aggravted and want to self pleasure myself even more...

    help... ?
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