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Im struggling to feel connected

#1
I feel like even when people are there, say they care, or want to connect with me…Im finding it difficult. It feels like that part of me is now broken, because all I feel is numb or suspicious and afraid. I know that’s not who I want to be. I care so much, so beneath that numb is so much hurt I don’t even know where to begin. I want to heal though.
i know there must be some of you who have been in this space. Can I ask what helped you?
 

seabird

meandering home 🦢☔️
SF Supporter
#2
Hugs @CrossedSeas

I get like that too.
As for me I am not sure if I'll ever feel like a trusting child again. I have decided to treat myself as both an adult & a child. Then I can care for the goofy parts of me. Humor helps: I think many things I (humans) do are basically sort of convoluted & silly.

I allow time for self care. It is required.
If I skip it, I go even farther into the numb land.

I give my child self comforts; whatever she wants within safety & reason.

When I am with loved ones who I pretty much trust, I remind myself that it is totally fine to not 100% trust anyone. It is okay & doesn't mean I am not relating to them. I listen & try to give them all my attention, when they're talking. I also limit my time around others because I need lots of alone time.

Hope that isn't too much.
 
#3
What has helped me is learning not to rely on needing connections with others so much. While it would be nice to have them and you should still try, I think it's more important and healthy to be ok inside your self if you're not able to have them. And this especially applies to toxic connections, which I don't recommend going towards no matter how desperate you are. We all have to make that determination of what toxic and healthy is, and that's not always easy.

I also agree with seabird, as self care is required. You need to look out for yourself, so try not to feel bad about the sometimes feeling suspicious or afraid of others.
 
#4
I'm starting to feel like this too. Maybe it has been there since before, but it became more pronounced now when I have to deal with loss and at the same time, have to deal with fake and selfish people. To be honest, it's hard to give advice at this point other than what people here have said. Look out for yourself as much. It's okay to put up those walls. It's also okay to reach out or to respond. Being nice or kind is a strong word for me these days. Being polite is probably more appropriate. Well, I guess if they show you kindness, then try to give it back. Be wary of trusting too.much though. I guess in the end, look out for your own joy and happiness first, more than anything.

Also be careful of people when most of what they do is talk/vent about their issues 90% of the time than actually checking on you and ask how are you doing They could keep talking to you. Sure, you get their company. But it's much better to be numb and suspicious than be in that situation, I guess.

I think, in the end, that connection you are looking for, or not really finding intentionally, will just come naturally. Like no matter what you both do, things will just click. It does not happen often but it will or may come.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#6
I'm starting to feel like this too. Maybe it has been there since before, but it became more pronounced now when I have to deal with loss and at the same time, have to deal with fake and selfish people. To be honest, it's hard to give advice at this point other than what people here have said. Look out for yourself as much. It's okay to put up those walls. It's also okay to reach out or to respond. Being nice or kind is a strong word for me these days. Being polite is probably more appropriate. Well, I guess if they show you kindness, then try to give it back. Be wary of trusting too.much though. I guess in the end, look out for your own joy and happiness first, more than anything.

Also be careful of people when most of what they do is talk/vent about their issues 90% of the time than actually checking on you and ask how are you doing They could keep talking to you. Sure, you get their company. But it's much better to be numb and suspicious than be in that situation, I guess.

I think, in the end, that connection you are looking for, or not really finding intentionally, will just come naturally. Like no matter what you both do, things will just click. It does not happen often but it will or may come.
Find that someone you click with is like in I g a lottery. One in 245 billion year.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#7
I have learned that people couple up and if they form a team and work together then that is where the connection is felt and grows. But something happens and people divorce. Some for reasons like feel trapped or bored or other spouse works too much. These reasons are part of life in my humble opinion. I worry that people have lost their commitment to commitments and that adds to mental health problems.
 
#8
I know this was some time back, but I wanted to thank you all for your thoughts on this. You gave me a lot to consider, and the support and kindness from you all was and is incredibly healing. I know part of the reason I struggle so much with connection is circumstance; I’ve lived with a chronic illness for years that’s limited my ability to go places or even sometimes to reach out in online spaces like this (which is part of why I couldn’t reply more at the time). Even when I can connect to people, I often feel this sense of grief when I see where they are on their lives and this sense of being left out of so many spaces, or of having to struggle to be heard or understood at all when my life has taken a different path. It’s made it difficult to feel a sense of trust in belonging. That’s why I’ve appreciated the empathy you all share and you taking the time in spite of your struggles to reach out like this.
@seabird I like that idea of allowing yourself to be both that trusting child and wise adult, and you make a good point that you can care for people and still not fully trust them. I thought you made a lot of good points in truth, especially about the self care and the humor. You’re certainly right, we can all be very silly creatures :)
@ I Love Tomorrow You also made a good point about the importance of self protection, and not piling more guilt on myself when I’m struggling to trust or believe. That perspective does help. I can see what you mean about being mindful of connections that aren’t healthy or out of balance too; I’ve always found that to be a hard one to balance when I’m feeling isolated, although I hope like you I’m learning.
@zythalore I’m really sorry you’ve had so much of that same experience, and I hope things have been better since you last wrote. It meant a lot that you did reach out even with your own struggles. The reminder to look out for myself does definitely help, and to be careful when my relationships are out of balance; I know I do struggle with that. I hope you did find more of that connection, I agree that’s so precious.
@Waves I hear you. It can be incredibly hard to find that connection anywhere, and I know that’s a terribly lonely and painful feeling. I hadn’t thought about it that way, but you make an interesting point about commitment. I wonder too how many people are feeling hurt by lack of community right now. Regardless, sending care your way *hug
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#9
I know this was some time back, but I wanted to thank you all for your thoughts on this. You gave me a lot to consider, and the support and kindness from you all was and is incredibly healing. I know part of the reason I struggle so much with connection is circumstance; I’ve lived with a chronic illness for years that’s limited my ability to go places or even sometimes to reach out in online spaces like this (which is part of why I couldn’t reply more at the time). Even when I can connect to people, I often feel this sense of grief when I see where they are on their lives and this sense of being left out of so many spaces, or of having to struggle to be heard or understood at all when my life has taken a different path. It’s made it difficult to feel a sense of trust in belonging. That’s why I’ve appreciated the empathy you all share and you taking the time in spite of your struggles to reach out like this.
@seabird I like that idea of allowing yourself to be both that trusting child and wise adult, and you make a good point that you can care for people and still not fully trust them. I thought you made a lot of good points in truth, especially about the self care and the humor. You’re certainly right, we can all be very silly creatures :)
@ I Love Tomorrow You also made a good point about the importance of self protection, and not piling more guilt on myself when I’m struggling to trust or believe. That perspective does help. I can see what you mean about being mindful of connections that aren’t healthy or out of balance too; I’ve always found that to be a hard one to balance when I’m feeling isolated, although I hope like you I’m learning.
@zythalore I’m really sorry you’ve had so much of that same experience, and I hope things have been better since you last wrote. It meant a lot that you did reach out even with your own struggles. The reminder to look out for myself does definitely help, and to be careful when my relationships are out of balance; I know I do struggle with that. I hope you did find more of that connection, I agree that’s so precious.
@Waves I hear you. It can be incredibly hard to find that connection anywhere, and I know that’s a terribly lonely and painful feeling. I hadn’t thought about it that way, but you make an interesting point about commitment. I wonder too how many people are feeling hurt by lack of community right now. Regardless, sending care your way *hug
You are welcome. How are you now?
 
#11
@Waves It was really kind of you to check back in. I’ve been feeling less suicidal and a bit stronger over time, but also often very empty and tired too. I suppose like so many of us on here, there’s so much I want to change in my life.
I’m also really grateful there are people like you and you @KM76710. The support does help, always. Sending care and kindness to you both
 

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