I'm stuck in a hole I can't climb out...

..and I hate every fucking second of it.

Its only been within the last few days that these feelings have started to arise, but with each day passed it's gotten stronger and stronger. Its, like, on Thursday I was in bliss. Everything had gone so well, but then on Friday it took a complete U-turn and I started to feel like shit. Why must this always happen? I'm obviously meant to be unhappy for life, so yeah, let it be. I'll stay unhappy for life if thats what it takes to keep people happy.

My head is all over the place, it's such a mess. I have crazy feelings going all over me telling me to do stuff to myself, to make things better. I know they're wrong, but to me they feel so right. I want to do them, and I've come so close to doing them tonight. I just want to grab that knife, that alcohol, those pills - end it all, I want it to end. I can't think straight. Why must I be like this, a big fat, stinking pile of worthless, braindead shit?

I really loved her, and I still do. She wants pretty much fuck all to do with me, and if she does then she has a funny way of showing it. I don't know what to think anymore. Right now, I think everyone is against me. Everyone who ever said they loved or love me is a liar. They're fakes, frauds, scheming and manipulative. I can't think. I can't think. I CAN'T THINK!

 

take a few deep breathes and concentrate on keeping you SAFE. you can get past this. maybe you need to talk to the girl about it, it could help make things clearer. i hope you feel alot better very soon, please take care x

 

Sorry, very quick reply, but every body in the world has good and bad days, sometimes there are more bad days, but you have to try and hold on for the good days. Maybe try doing something positive each day to make the day better and maybe it might help you see things better, and also try to talk about how you are feeling and the issues that are hurting you.

Keep fighting for those good days, one day the scales will tip and you will have more good days than bad days.

 

I felt safe with her, I thought we could never be destroyed or hurt when we were together.

Now thats gone, and now I just WANT to die and be hurt. I don't and won't trust anyone and whatever they say. She said she loved me then point black yesterday said she didn't love me, let alone practically care about me. Urgh, I hate my fucking pathetic excuse for a life.

 

You need to give yourself time to grieve for her and the situation. It won't be easy, but it is doable, just try to take each moment at a time and focus on getting through that.