I'm Stuck

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by PullMeUnder, Oct 29, 2013.

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  1. PullMeUnder

    PullMeUnder Member

    Well, I have read some posts over the past couple days and I have seen some similarities to things I have went through but nothing exactly. I have sought professional help, but when even they are stumped it isn't very encouraging. So here is the shortest version possible. My wife and I have been married 12 years now. For about 8 of those years I have been not happy. Increasing over the years. It was kind of like a virus, discontent at first but growing over the years to the point where leaving was the only choice. She was having a hard time getting pregnant which I supported her in fully, but she had several miscarriages. This is not the source of why I was unhappy, but as I tried to leave her she would say she is pregnant again so I would stay and then she would lose the baby. I stayed to support her and to heal myself. She didn't know I was trying to leave so it wasn't "fake pregnancies". It seemed every time I tried to leave it would happen. After 8 years of this I finally said I was out no matter what. Well she got pregnant and she was able to carry my son full term. I love him so much! But I was left with this decision, leave her or stay. She is originally from another state so she is not from the area we live. I decided for my son and for his future I would stay. I have been here 2 1/2 years and about 1 year ago I had a major car accident which gave me a month to think about my life. I didn't like what I saw so I decided I would leave and see him every day and stay on friendly terms with her. She knew something was up and asked me if I wanted to separate. By now I was tired of lying and said yes. She has tried everything to get me to stay which I admit is surprising but she has just burned all the love I felt for her out. So now she has given me this "choice": Love me, like you used to and be happy with our life together. Otherwise I am taking your son and moving back home (4 states away). I would almost never see him. She has me held here because she is using my son. No one can figure and answer that ends well. So I am stuck. To top all of this off, all I want is a woman I can really love and to have my son near me. I don't think that is too much to ask. I started talking to a woman who I met at work and is now a very close friend. I kind of fell for this woman in a bad way. She ended up dating my best friend and she has no idea I care for her so much. So I have the whole home situation going and I have this woman whom I love but is taken. I fully respect their relationship and help them any chance I get. Counselor actually said "You must be the nicest guy ever." Yeah I can be, it is just drowning me. I am completely miserable. I am without any hope. If I was one of those people that could just not care about their kids I would be fine but I am not. I live the life I do just to keep him near me. I drink daily after I leave him, just so I can block out the free time I have to think. I wish every day that I had been killed in that car accident. Maybe then everyone would be better off. I sorry this is so long winded but there is more I could have said. I just needed to convey the basics. No one should pray to not wake up each day, but I do. I just hate living in this...
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Stop talking to your wife about the threats and speak to an attorney. File for custody yourself. In NY joint custody is typical in which case her moving may be preventable unless she chooses to lose custody. Listening to her threats and lay advice on this is a poor substitute for a 45 minute free initial consultation with an attorney. Staying in a relationship because of a child seldom is of benefit to the child in the long run either where they grow up in an unhappy loveless home.
     
  3. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    (( pull me under)) welcome to the website.. yes NYJ maybe totally right.. wife may not be able legally to just take the kid and move far away from you.. check into that with an attorney real soon for your own welfare and peace of mind.. understand your good feelings and love for your kid.. my son johnny is reason I am still alive and always trying..
     
  4. PullMeUnder

    PullMeUnder Member

    Sorry I have been away so long. I am still treading water though. I just wanted to update this in case someone did a search it might save them some time and money. In NY apparently, your wife (or husband) has full right to take off with your child at any time. You have to file some paperwork with a lawyer and they can petition for the spouse to return to the state. The lawyer told be that "By the time things go filed and moved through the courts, she would be gone for a month or more. This could give her grounds to fight saying that she had established a home, job, and so forth. It is then a battle to get her back here. So my advice is to stay quiet about this (divorce) until you have the paperwork ready to hand to her. When you file for divorce an order of non relocation is filed and she can't run or you can have her brought back immediately and she is arrested." So, I have pooled together everything I could from friends and borrowed against my retirement to get the ball rolling. I thought once I got the ball rolling I would feel relief. Sadly, I was mistaken. For at least the next year, my life is going to be utter Hell. She will hate me and my family is not going to be very supportive in this. I am not looking forward to any of this. Well, that is the update for now...
     
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