I've always been suicidal and have attempted ages ago but for the past month or so it's continually been there in my head and I'm at the last straw. I don't have the necessary things now to do it but I know that tomorrow I will go out to every single pharmacy and get as many painkillers as I can from each place. It's 4am and I've been drinking all night and I can't breathe because I can't cope anymore. I literally can't breathe and I can't sleep and I want out. I've felt this for ages, but not so bad as this last month and not so bad as tonight. It's always been manageable but not anymore. I can't cope and I NEED out.