i'm such a dummy!

[crackedglass]

i dont even know if this is the right place to post this but i just need to get it out i feel so bloomin awful tonight! my ex bf has unblocked me after a month of being blocked telling me he just wants to be friends but he still knows everything about me all my fave things and he says he still cares. I still think about the good times we had, especially at night though and i know stuff about him. I was stupid with this guy i liked i was gettin to know him and against my best friends advice i went and asked him out and he basically said no i think i hurt him by asking him so thats another to add to the hurt list by me. I got told on tuesday i got dsylexia...which is great means something else is wrong with me. I've been telling everyone im fine lately and that i feel happier but im fed up of lying because i dont feel fine i still feel just as bad trying to focus on something else makes things worse and my counseller this week decided to tell me that i am like my dad! the very person i despise and swore i would never become. I dont know how i can change and not be like him i thought i had distanced myself from any part of me. I just feel like giving in no one seems to really understand how i feel and thinking about all these things bring the past more into my mind i just want it all to go away and dont know what to do anymore i just want everything to disappear including me. i know im not the person who has the worst things going on but why does nothing ever go right for me? Ive had my dose of bad and im sick and tired of waiting for the good stuff to come along. Just wished everything would go away but i know its not. and sorry for wasting your time if your reading this.

 

[__Rawr.Tigga]

Hey Titch *waves* :]]

You're not wasting our time. We all here to help and support each other, no matter what :]]

When my boyfriend and I split, I felt nothing. I was totally numb to emotions and feelings. But time has brought them back. For the worse. I still talk to him and stuff. We know eachother inside out. I should be happy we are still friends shouldn't I? But I don't know if I am. Everytime I see him, talk to him, whatever, all I remember is how hapy I was with him, the fun we had, the good times. It hurts so f***ing much.

I spend day after day smiling, telling people I'm fine, telling people I'm happy, I lie to people. At night I go home. I cut. I bleed. I cry. But I can't bring myself to tell anyone the truth. No matter how hard I try. I've waited for so long now for what everyone says will happen, that something good will come along, that life is worth holding on for. But recently I have given up waiting. I have wished for it all to go away. It won't. No matter how hard I try to forget about the past, what I've done. It doesn't work.

You've got to face up to it. Realise it's all in vain. Then you can get on with your life. Push on through.

I'm not sure if this makes any sense what so ever, I usually dont :]]

If you ever need to talk more, I'm here :]]

Take care and keep strong,
Tigga
x

 

[incombustible2000]

its very normal to feel like you are. i am glad you are getting it out of your system... evey little bit helps. Love hurts bad sometimes..... when you cut you feel the pain and some how makes it real... brings the emotionel to meet the physical. But there are other weays to do this, peotry has worked for me....... just sit with a paper and look deep, just think about your feelings and just write whatever word comes in your mind and keep doing this and when you get it out then read it might help you come to terms, and make the physical connection, and when you do that might help you deal.