I can't do anything right. Everyone hates me. My mother is especially gonna hate me when she finds out. I was supposed to take her this week to my sister's house to clean it for fifty dollars and I was gonna do it this morning but when I text my sister and told her that she said she had already gotten someone else to do it. My mother's gonna hate me... I just cheated her out of fifty dollars cause I'm fat and lazy and selfish. Even I hate myself. I hate my job. My job hates me. People on this frickin forum hate me. God-damn, I just want to die. I can't keep my cats alive, my grandmother won't let me have an inside puppy even though she let Misty have one. But she always favored Misty over me. She favors all my sister's over me. They don't care about my privacy, my feelings. I'm practically having to force my father to give me money for my senior year of high school cause it's said to be the most expensive year. I'll be eighteen in thirteen days and no one even gives a damn. Mark's the only one that cares but has anyone bothered to even try help me plan a little party for myself? No. I'll more than likely be at home alone that night drinking a Red Headed Bitch thinking about committing suicide. I do it every day I go to town. Between Petal and Richton, there's this big pond thingy right on the left side of the road. I think to myself, every time I pass it, I wonder what would happen if I just drove off the road into that pond? Would I drown quickly? Would I chicken out, bust out a window, and swim out? Would the impact of the water kill me instantly? Would a passerby stop and jump in to save me? What? I think about doing it every day, even though I think drowning would be last way I would want to die. My cousin died that way. Caught a cramp swimming across a lake and drowned, taking his friend down with him when he went to save him. I had a dream last night that I caved and cut my arms to pieces. Then Mark found out. He cut two big, thick, deep gashes into both his arms as payback for cutting myself, as he promised he'd do. Even in my fucking dreams I can't do any goddamn thing right. I just want to die.