I'm such a fuck up.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Earn, Feb 25, 2008.

  1. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    i couldn't imagine a worse fuck up than me.I fuck up everything i try.I'm a fucking waste.i know theres gunna be someone whos going to say im not and i dont want to hear that right now.i try even a little thing like a tune up and you would think someone who spent 30grand on a automotive school and got streaght a's would be able to do it right.but not me not the fuck up that i am.

    I couldnt imagine anyone in the world would want someone like someone that fucks everyting up in their life.i wish i had at least a little bit of courage to kill myself.but ive fucked that up twice before and theres no reason to belive that i would do it right this time.i'd probably end up a fucking paraplegic or a vegtable,having to live the rest of my life like a fuck up i am.but thats what i deserve.i deserve to be a useless fuck so i wouldnt be able to fuck up nyone elses life.i'm fucking up my parents life staying here by making them pay to feed me and having me fuck up their cars.i cant belive theyve let a fuck up like me stay here this long.they must be stupid

    all im gunna do with my life is be a fuck up.ill get a job and fuck it up like before.and even if i find a girl that would waste her time on me i would fuck that up too.i'm sorry if i wasted any of your time by lating you read this.

    i should just delete this so noone has to read it.i should just go and not come back.i should just drive off and dissappear.no one would miss me.other than my mom because of her mother insticts. but no one else would miss me.my friends i barly ever talk to would just wonder and nothing else.Tabitha would just go one with her life.like she does now.im not in her life anymore.im not in anyones life.

    please god kill me.someone please kill me.i wish someone would just kill me,anyway i dont care just end my life cause if it was up to me i would fuck it up.the only thing i've done right in my life is decide that my life isnt worth living.but it took losing my reason to live(Tabitha) and fucking up so many things to come to that desecion.
     
  2. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    what the hell is wrong with me.i leave a message with my friend to put some time aside to talk with me and when she talks to me i avoid the question and act like im okay.

    she doesnt know me that well.its a good thing so i wont fuck anything up in her life i guess thats why i don't get close to her.she probably doesnt want to get close to me anyway.i used to be able to say one word to Tabitha and she would know exactly how my day went.but not with her i cant comunicate to her at all.this just goes to show that how i try to get help i fuck it up.
     
  3. taranama

    taranama Well-Known Member

    wow...that sucks.. it may seem like everything is going down, and the truth is, it is. know why? cos you're telling yourself it is. you should try some possitive thinking... yeah, you're a mechanic, and you should be able to do a simple tune up, but no-one's perfect..look how many attempts it took them to get to the moon! like...years!! so don't be so hard on yourself. it'll pass.
     
  4. BOLIAO

    BOLIAO Guest

    I'm even more fucked up. Earned a few hundred grand a year for a couple of years, thought I 've made it and blew all of it cos I thought I could continue earning good income. Spent spent spent when I should have saved it all up. Expensive cars gone, lavish meals reduced to eating bread. In a short period of time, everything went wrong and I lost everything and jobless, depressed and lost all interest in life. Nothing excites me anymore. can't see any way out. I'm the most fucked up person in this place.
     
  5. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    i tell myself to not be so hard on myself.and i usualy get past it.but everytime i fuck up it always comes back to me feeling like a complete fuck up.i build myself up and eventuly something will come up and knock me down and ill be back to feeling like a fuck up.if i didnt fuck up like i always do then i wouldnt feel this way.

    Im tired of fucking up i'm tired of feeling like a mistake.
     
  6. joekerr333

    joekerr333 New Member

    i think most people would agree that the world is f*cked up. so don't be so hard on yourself.

    its actually abnormal to not be f*cked up in a f*cked up world when you think about it!

    its actually the people who aren't f*cked up that make me scratch my head thinking 'how is it the world is so f*cked up and you aren't?'

    truth is they often are more f*cked up than anyone else, they just hide it better :)

    there are a lot of great actors out there who look like they have their sh*t together when they totally don't.
     
  7. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    You are anything BUT a fuckup.

    You're an emotional person and sometimes you blame yourself for too much. You have been through so much and whether you know it or not it has made you strong. You give such good advice that you have to be strong to do that!

    Message me if you feel abd Earn, I'm always here for you...
     
  8. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    thanks pixie.youve helped me alot.and i couldnt thank you enough.yeah i was really too hard on myself.and im working on trying to not let small things destroy my mood.my esteems been a little fragile latly.but i think im actuly seeing a light at the end of this tunnel.telling myself that helps alot.alot alot.:biggrin: ive been doing a thing called mindgym and its helping me.