I'm such a fucking child...

[Esmeralda]

I'm stunted...My dad died when I was 16 and I was devastated. Fine. But now I feel like such a kid (I'm 30!). I have no job and I don't want one. I'm getting a "job" (5-10 hours a week) teaching gymnastics, but I have an effing Master's degree in French! The problem is that I can't get my "dream job" using my French, so I basically refuse to work. I wanted to be a perpetual student, because I LOVE being a student. I feel like I'm stuck being a kid. It's not fair to my husband, who is so wonderful that he doesn't even expect me to do some menial job because he loves me so much, even though we can use the money. I've heard that when you have a huge trauma, like I have had, that you sometimes become psychologically stuck at that age. Whatever. I experience this, but it's bullshit and I don't buy it. I just feel lazy. I feel like being a woman, I'm about ready to have kids and any job I get is just a means to an end, which makes it hard for me to have any sort of passion for any "job". I know it's immature. Most people hate their jobs and do them anyway, right? Garrrrr...

Don't feel like you have to respond. I'm not suicidal or anything. I just wish I could get the balls to do some crap job for the money or self-satisfaction...funny thing is that whenever I actually apply for a job at the bookstore or some shit like that, they won't hire me because I'm OVERQUALIFIED. So I have to say on my resume that I just graduated high-school or something. My degree is WORTHLESS!

Anyway, this is just a rant I'm gonna be O.K. This just gets me pissed in all sorts of ways. I wanna pull my weight, but I have this stupid sense of entitlement

It's my own damn fault...

 

[kindtosnails]

What would it be then, your dream job?

:arms: x

 

[Esmeralda]

Heya snails! I think I want to be a writer...I just wrote a children's book that I'm trying to get published...not a lot of money in it unless you're really good, but who knows? I just can't seem to force myself to go out there and work 8 hours a day at a job I hate...I'm too damn lazy!

 

[Insignificant]

i am one of those people that have had to take whatever job i can get. call it survival. i never went to college. i have had to work so many jobs that i hated it's been ridiculous, but times have changed. i now have a job i love, and it doesn't pay much or enough but i love it.

maybe it might not be such a bad thing to do the teaching. is it with children or adults? i would think it would be a blast with kids. remember you wouldn't have to do it forever. it's only part time and this would still give u time to look for what u really want. sometimes as hard as it is we have to comprimise a little to get where we want to be. and if it isn't hurting anyone else how can it be so bad?

hang in there. i've got every bit of confidence that things will be ok and work out for you. take care

 

[Zodi]

Hun, you are not lazy.

It takes alot of courage to write a book and send it off to try to get published.

I can understand the perpetual student ideal. I am 40 and back in school for my 3rd degree. What do I do now? I work front desk at a hotel for minimum wage. It does allow me study time and during the summer I get to sit and watch movies on my laptop.

What makes you not lazy is that you have a dream.

 

[Esmeralda]

OMG thank you so much Insignificant and Zodi for your responses! It made me feel so good to hear someone say that I am not a lazy shit! (BTW, my hubby would never say that...I say it to myself, and I FEEL that from other people in my life). You have both inspired me, and you didn't have to respond, because I'm not on the edge, but you did, and it made me feel really good Thank you for caring enough to respond to my wailing!

 

[Syd]

Peanut, have you ever considered translating French literature into English?

 

[Esmeralda]

Syd, that's actually a really good idea. I'll have to look into it and see how one gets a job doing that.

 

[kindtosnails]

Don't think you're lazy, think you're damn brave, you had a dream and followed it. Good luck with the book. :smile: Don't think your degree is worthless either, there are so many things you could do with it, eg. like Syd suggested. And if nothing else, it's not just a ticket to a job, it's your acheivement, your passion, your skill. That is not worthless.

 

[hammockmonkey]

My friend's aunt translates Italian into English. I know that she advertises off of Craigslist and gets work, not sure how much. Just an idea of how to get out there a little bit.

 

[Esmeralda]

Hammockmonkey- Thanks for the advice! I will definitely try advertising on craigslist!

Snails :hug: You made me totally re-evaluate my achievements and the passion I have for language. Thank you so much