i'm suicidal and i need support, advice, someone to listen....anything

you don't have to hear me ramble about my story. i don't blame you if you don't want to. i guess all i need to say is that i'm suicidal. i feel alone, and that no one will ever understand how i feel. i feel like there is nothing in the future for me. my family hates me. they've given up. i spend all day in my bedroom. they hate me for it. i can't tell them how i feel. they think i'm selfish and mean. for the first time in my life, i feel like their live isn't unconditional, as i always thought it was. they've left me alone.
my friends don't care. i haven't known them for long. they'd be fine without me, but i'd die without them. i give, but they don't give. and once in a while when they do give something, it's amazing. but it doesn't happen as often as i give to them. and it's not supposed to mean much. but i can't live without them. they're amazing, and they're all i have right now. and they don't know or care.
nothing is left, and i don't want to go on. i've lost my faith in absolutely everything. i'm sick of being hurt. i'm sick of being let down. i just want to move on. but then again i don't, because the future is no better. i'd only be trying to run away.

do you guys have suggestions, even just the smallest things, about what to do when you feel this way? when you have no one? when you're truly alone? i need a quick fix at least. i need suggestions from someone who might know how i feel.

 

My favorite self-care methods:

exercise, music, distractions (entertainment), learning and doing new things (increases dopamine)

Most important, however, is getting professional help, e.g. seeing a therapist.

When feeling depressed/hopeless, it's sometimes best to "take one day at a time" and try not to think about the future since one is not in a positive frame of mind.

(There's the saying that if you have one leg in the past and one leg in the future, you are pissing on the present.)

 

well, thankyou.
usually i prefer to live in the present. i miss being able to look forward to the future. it tells me that there's something better than this. but i know there's nothing better than this now. i'm so scared. so trapped.
i just want to run away from it all. i'm sick of my family. i think all we've caused each other is pain. my family is tainted. it's hard letting go.

 

It seems you need to get out more. Even to the library. Anywhere.

You recognize the value of socialization, so I don't understand why you are in your bedroom so much. Is it simply because of the depression? Or do you have transportation problems? Are your friends not available as often?

And you need therapy.

 

it's a transportation thing, for sure. we live out in the middle of nowhere. i can't wait until i can start driving, but then again i don't want to. it's only because i want to escape. i cling to my friends because they're better than my family, and they're the most real thing i have right now. i don't even know if it's all that good. but my mom doesn't trust them, so it's all very difficult.

 

i've lost faith in life. i'm too young to feel this way. how do i get faith? what is faith? the only faith i know leads to let down and hurt. the only faith i know leads to destruction.
i made my mom cry today. i haven't seen her in tears since i was a little kid when her mom died. she sees me cry all the time. i'm filled with shame and hopelessness. she'd give her life for me. it's not fair to her. i'm so sick of this. i'm so bitter.

 

It's hard responding on these forums. I don't have anything to offer, yet wish to give something. I can't offer solutions since I couldn't possibly, fully know exactly what you are feeling, what your situation is, and what your options are. I can't tell you that I understand and know where you're coming from, because of the same reasons. Your experience is going to be unique.

I suppose all I can say is that I've read what you said and I care about your well being. I also can (and will) pray for you.

Anywho, if you do want to post your story (no matter the length; I like long stories) and just let it all flow out: you have at least one reader.

 

thank you. i don't care about a solution. all i want right now is just for someone to hear me. loneliness kills me. your post means a lot.

 

I am not sure if I can help but I can sure listen. To cope with my depression, I usually take it one at a time and convince myself it will be over soon and I have to wake up tomorrow and face it again and again and time will move on real fast. Its like a new beginning everyday, trying to endure it but somehow I am not sure if it will work. Sorry, I am not a good talker and probably screwed up a lot. I hope it means something...

 

that does, so thankyou.
i don't always manage to embrace a new day, but i'm glad i've made it through all those nights to experience the next morning and start again.

 

is your parents controlling. hint: do they ask you what you want to be when you grow up? do they talk to you like you going to live on your own someday. because if they don't want to you to leave they're control forever, i can't imagine anyway from suicide. maybe, there are different levels of controling. but my father does not want me to live my own life. so i'm am considering suicide.

 

i want to run from them. my mom doesn't want to let go. it's tricky. but i think she's having a difficult time realizing that i'm not her.
i definitely want to leave as soon as possible. one of my feelings that makes me suicidal is feeling trapped. when i can, i'll leave and start my own life. it's the only thing i really want right now. i want to wipe my slate clean.

 

i am 37 and work at the restaurant everday.

if you are still to young to drive then i don't know what you parents are like. controlling parents are usually business owners. if your parents work for someone else then they'll probably want you to leave them when you become older. i started working at 12 everday. so my father is using me as a slave. i just wanted to live in my own apartment find a full time job and start meeting girls. my best friend's mother told me that she thinks my father doesn't want me to marry yet. i was suprised because i never told about my situation. but her words are becoming an echo. if you are young then start to tell your parents what you want to be when you grow up. so when the time comes it won't become a surprise to them. you have to start telling them all your dreams now.

 

i'm not sure what i want to be.
but i told my mom all i really want right now is to express myself. i just want to express what i feel. i think she thinks i'm going to be an artist.
but there could be a surprise. i really don't know.
i'm going downhill. that's the problem. i don't have many dreams. i don't want to think of the future. nothing about it seems good to me. so i think about the present. my resources for the future are going down because i don't care about anything right now. i'm not working at anything. i'm not improving, which isn't very promising for the future. therefore, i refuse to think of the future. it's a vicious cycle.
i just gotta take it one day at a time i guess. but i really need my mom to ease up a little. i need to grow into who i am. it's not easy.

 

you need to start thinking about this. the average college student changes their major 4 times. "chance favores the prepared".

 

You know..I am 23 now. I never thought of the future when I was in school and till today I am so lost. Its like I don't know where do I go from here. When I was about to leave school, my folks ask me what do I wanna do in college and I was like 'what the hell'..? Then I realize I have no idea at all which makes me feel so miserable till today. I keep going to many open days and education fairs and stuff and in the end I still can't made up my mind. Then I reluctantly go into business management since my dad insist so coz I can't figure out what I want to do and so I do it, reluctantly though.

So I flunk college in a year and have been working ever since. All kinds of job, from a waiter to subsitute teacher to a shop assistant to a sales person and finally here I am working in a crappy trading firm which is going bankrupt. Until now, if anyone ask me what I wanna be, I have to say the same thing I have always said - I don't know.

I realize my mistake was that I didn't think of the future when I was much younger and now everything seems too late. I don't think I want to spend my life doing something I hate so I refused to commit myself to a certain job. I know its confusing to think of the future but I hope you try to and who knows you may be able to figure out? What are your hobbies? What do you intend to achieve in life? Like to invent something or maybe to have a no. 1 hit song?

All these can serve as a basis you know? It didn't work out for me coz the only talent I have is gone forever and so I am confused now. My folks were never supportive of me all the years and so I can't rely on them. If your mum is there to help you, its good you know? I hope you can figure it out. If you don't do that, you will feel very lost in the years to come like I am now.

 

i'm sorry to hear you're so confused, so late. i guess all you can do, if you don't know what you want is just not to get caught up doing something to you don't want. it's better than nothing. recognizing what you don't like can lead you to starting to know what you like a bit.
well, i've always liked expressing myself, and that's about it. if someone were to ask me, just how i feel, i'd piece it together well with words so they'd understand, and it would make me feel better. expression doesn't really make things go away, so i don't understand why it makes me feel so good. it just does. i like to write a lot. i just want to put my feelings into an artistic form, an easy way for others to understand.
and i guess i like solving problems for people too. i like sorting things out between friends. i use my word expression to my advantage. i like giving people advice, which seems ironic, since i'm often so lost myself. but if there's anything that i understand well, like social problems, i love to help iron things out with words.

 

I think your love to express yourself with words could be a basis to understanding what you might wanna be in the future. Why not try to narrow down on the things you can do with this ability and from there you can go on to sort out the kind of profession you might be interested in? Do you write poems and other creative writings? If your skill is in writing, you can always take time to work it out and improve.

There are so many things you can achieve with that ability, you know...I think you are gonna be successful if you work on that. You could write novel or something. I have known a few people back in school last time who's now writing for a magazine and one of them has written several books now. In the beginning, they also like to do what you are doing now. They say they just love to write and express their feelings and thoughts in writing and today, they are successful writers.

Its definitely possible. Try working on this man. You have a talent already and you can succeed with it, believe me ^_^

 

well, thanks. :smile:
i've always really enjoyed writing. i'm not very good at most things. writing there could be a chance, but i'm not confident enough to show it to people.
i've started writing big stories, but i have a loose grip on things. i have difficultly focusing, so as much as i'd love to write a novel, it's very difficult for me to do.
i'm just trying to take little steps.

it's important to know what you like. even when things are really tough, there's always that little thing you like, whether you're good at it or not. writing comes naturally.

you should still try to find what you want though. it's never too late. you may have missed your first chance, but it's important to be able to do something every day that you like, even better if you can make a living off it.

 

Well, no prob. If you have any story, poem or anything that you've write, you can share it with me. I will be glad to read it. All the best to you!