Im suicidal depressed person? and i feel so depressed in the morning? ?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by [talon], Sep 5, 2008.

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  1. [talon]

    [talon] New Member

    im a so called 'gothic'looking freshman in high school and i go to a really crappy school,am unable to leave, and i need some advice to help me to survive (from killing myself). i have general anxiety disorder. am on celexa.

    first of all. ive always been quiet. i also USED 2 to be insanely shy due 2 low self esteem 4 being picked on, but after being medicated,im only SEMI-shy now. >_>! however feel like im having goddamn heart failure half the time @ this school

    i used 2 cut a lot. i still do sometimes when i am going through rough patches. (like now)
    i knew what i was getting myself into when i went to registration.i saw. and i grew depressed, but peoples words gave me confidence so i went 2 school feeling quite optimistic yet still having a heart attack at the same time.( yeah i think i almost died)now im just frickin suicidal
    i HAVE NEVER SPOKEN SO MUCH @ SCHOOL in my life, nobody from my old school recognizes me., HOWEVER:
    a total of 1 person spoke 1 sentence 2 me in my 1st class. i felt so depressed. u'd think we were all the in same lame effing boat. WRONG WRONG WRONG. they all kno eachother. i am the odd one out.

    i feel the most depressed in phys.ed because nobody in that class talks 2 me. they just cling 2 their groups. and they all know eachother. and i no nobody at all. i look like such an outcast. everyone here is a prep/jock. i feel like skipping that class but then id fail and u cant graduate here w.out phys.ed 10.

    nobody dares come close 2 me.i didnt think i was scary looking till now. teachers stare at me oddly. of course every1 in the hallway does that 2..i raise my hand a lot to talk. people in middle school used 2 think i was mute, and make fun of me. i have really low self esteem.

    whenever i wake up in the morning i feel so depressed. i used 2 have suicidal thoughts and i thought they were gone. but now theyre coming back. my doctor told me to join clubs........i cant find any that suit me. i dont play sports. oh n i only have 1 friend. in grade effing eleven. and my OTHER friend (woahhh) joined a clique and i am just another part of the wall 2 her, just like 2 everyone else.

    tell me how 2 make it stop
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum :welcome:
    Im sorry to hear you are feeling so down and alone :hug: I am on celexa too, celexa is enough to make anyone suicidal.

    Personally, I think you should give your doctor a call and tell him/her how suicidal you are really feeling. They can't read your mind, you have to be honest with them. They are only there to help you. I often feel more depressed in the mornings too, I put that down to the celexa though. Is there anywhere else you could try to make new friends outside of school? :hug:
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Good morning Talon,
    Welcome to the forum! You will find the education is important to you. Stay with your study's!! People will eventually drift your way. You are the new person so you have to be checked out to see where your head is!!
    Depression sucks!! With help from a good therapist you can learn how to communicate with others. Seeing a therapist is nothing to be ashamed of. There are millions of people who suffer from it!! We are here for you to talk to! We will stand behind you and try to give advice to you!! Take Care!!:chopper:!!
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