Im supposed to be all freaken happy.

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Who_Cares, May 13, 2008.

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  1. Who_Cares

    Who_Cares Member

    no. no nononono no. NO. NO NO.

    yay im alive. Smile girl, you're alive.

    stop saying that to me.Why do you think i tried to kill myself? just to fail?!

    but im supposed to be all freaken happy, so i guess ill put on my facade.

    look its a mask, a mask that traps my inner gonna explode one

    day, into billions of pieces...but until happy. Look at this smile.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    This is one place you don't need that mask. You are free to express your thoughts and feelings and you will probably find support while doing so. I am sorry you seem to be misunderstood. I hope that changes in the near future. :hug:
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You are safe here to be the person you really are. And with some help from the other members maybe become the person you want to be. No judging no guilt trips just caring wonderful people that really want to help and truly understand you. Keep posting and read some of the other posts both will help you to overcome your own pain.
  4. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

    Errum, that's not entirely true. You're not free to express feelings that the admins here find to be upsetting. You'll still need to wear that mask around them.

    So yes, welcome to suicideforum. Sorry you're here.
  5. demonhunter999

    demonhunter999 Well-Known Member

    when people say "just be happy" or "think positively" i think fu u ignorant noob - it rly pees me off
  6. malamute

    malamute Member

    I've been feeling a lot like this lately. Very soon after I went through major trauma last year, one by one all my (few) friends told me they didnt want to listen to me anymore, and that I wasnt being 'healthy' by talking about it.

    So it was either lose the only people I have in the world or put on a fake smiley mask and talk about trivial things all the time to keep them happy. So that's what I've been doing. It makes me hate myself because I know if I am myself I get rejected, and hate them because as long as I act they dont care how I feel underneath.

    I feel like a clown having to put on a broken smile and dance for them. Why should I? So I can hear things like 'oh, you're doing so much better now, I can tell'. I feel like when I could talk about it I was slowly starting to heal, now I'm getting worse and worse.
  7. Epiphany

    Epiphany Well-Known Member

    I know exactly what you mean.

    I was released yesterday from the hospital, after attempting to commit suicide on saturday. A few of my friends and family members visited me, but it just made me feel worse. Having to face them after failing, it was embarassing. And they say that I can always talk to them, but I don't feel like they really care. They just change the subject.

    So I have to put on a face and play their games, when deep down inside I hurt more than ever. All I hear is that it's not worth losing your life, and that you're being selfish, but do you really think I want to be told that I'm being selfish when my whole world crumbled before me?
  8. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I can relate totally. Everyone expects you to almost be over it. it's like 'ok you attempted, now shrug it off and be happy you lived and can start again' but it isn't like that at all. We're still sad. We did it for a reason.
    It's frustrating, but alot of the time i think that the people who say we must be happy just don't understand, it's a complete lack of knowledge on their behalf :/
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