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I'm the black sheep of the family.

HappyKitty

•✮• SF's pet kitty, full of kittens & colours •✮•
#1
I know yall have seen my mini petty rants about my mum and I thank you for supporting me. Apparently, SF has helped me practice to be more assertive in real life with these dickheads. And I know, I know, I know that I should be avoiding triggers especially my mum is the huge trigger but its been a rough lockdown for me, I can't believe I'm stuck with that bitch. I have been having trouble blocking her voice out of my head. I'm just gonna cut the chase.

Things she did:
1) Using me as a bad example just because I don't have a college degree.
2) Immature comments on my weight and what I eat, making me feel fat and shame.
3) Always treats me differently. I hate dinner time with family where she sweets talk to my brothers abt being sincerely supportive and compassionate with them for their futures and doesn't care mine. Hell, she didn't even asked me, "hows your day at school went?"
4) Invading my privacy and rearranging my memory lane.

I've figured out that I want to throw the stuffs she touched. I mean I don't understand why I'm acting this way but I can't let go of what she did! The worst - SHE REARRANGED MY MEMORY LANE. Can you guys hear that? I am actually screaming in my head. I can't even look back to rearrange back the way I wanted. If I touch what she touched, I will have horrible flashbacks and I can't stop crying whenever I touch what she touched.

Revenge is sweet yet its lame cause it does more harm than good. I don't have the power to stop her, I just can't wait for my therapist appointment.

I feel hurt that one of my aunt (not the one I love) who I assumed was nice, actually disowned me yesterday because she sided with my mum and I didn't do anything mean to any of them for fucksakes!. I'm not sure how to release this anger though, like idky I'm still so angry even tho I'm giving my mum the silent treatment. I feel like a heart attack cause this anger is purely not leaving my mind and I don't have words to describe the tough emotions.
 

Ixtab

Well-Known Member
#2
You’re a nice lady I’m sorry you’re hurting. I live at my mom’s house too it’s very hard but I’m disabled and no job. I tried to leave and almost died four times in a year ran out of money and came back.

You’re ok please try to believe me. You’re allowed to eat. You’re allowed to not have a degree I don’t and I’m old. If I had the money I’d go get one.

I will pray you escape and succeed. Easier to care for others than yourself. You’re brave they can’t hurt you. I love you here don’t go I don’t care what you look like just be positive. I’m going to do exercise right now before it gets super hot because I’m a little fat maybe 10-15 pounds overweight.

If we both want to be 600 pounds that’s on us and no indication of our characters. Those shallow people, how can they be like that to any daughter sister girl? Animals.
 

WildCherry

Owner Emeritus
#3
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this!! I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. My stepmother treats me very similar. It's the reason I very rarely go to my dad's place anymore. I have to pretend her constant comments and put-downs don't bother me when I'm there, and it's way too much work.
 

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