I must be a complete fucking moron in everyone's eyes. They all think it's okay to upset me, to take advantage of me, to not keep their promises to me. And who can blame them? I can't ever go through with anything I threaten to do, I can't make the simple move of cutting someone destructive out of my life, or at THE VERY LEAST stepping on their toes in return for stepping on mine. I don't have the strength to do any of that. I had to constantly push my husband for 3 whole days to keep one measly little promise that he made to me, and it got to the point that I threatened to leave and was crying my eyes out before he did it. Why did he have to get me to the point of being hysterical? Please someone tell me...why do I have to make sure that other people follow through with what they say? Why isn't that their job? And more importantly, why can't I tell them to fuck off the FIRST TIME this type of thing happens, or even the second, or third, or fourth..? I just can't help it...I'm not like this on purpose. I can't be anything else besides this, unfortunately. And sadly, since I can't make these types of people go away, I have to be the one to go away. I have to make a commitment...I have to gather up the courage to die. I have to just plan a date and fucking go through with it. I can't keep dealing with this. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of being treated like a piece of shit. All that's left for me to do at this point is lay in the fetal position and beg for someone to rescue me and help me...but nobody would do that anyway. So I have to go away. There's no other option.