Im 23 years old, ive been depressed since around the third grade. Ive always thought every human has something going for them, you may look good but your stupid as hell or you may be ugly but your a genius making 100 grand a year a millionare maybe. Not me im the pure example of a ugly fat talentless uneducated worthless excuse for human life. Since i graduated from highschool 5 years ago ive had no job and have done nothing. i continue to live with my parents that pay my every bill and i feel just like a burden on them. Ive never had a first kiss never even close to a girlfriend. all my friends that were girls that i have asked out or said i was intrested in have all droped me as friends or just told me im a nice guy and funny just not there type, o the fat guy that cant do nothin not your type? you dont say. im stuck in a hole abusing substances just to get through a day of life. Im beyond the point of losing my mind im convinced its already gone. i find myself smiling and feeling good about shootings that happen, to most people these are horrible tragedys, i see outcasts making it known this world is cruel and getting beat down there whole life is not gonna happen. i feel a dark presence that follows me its the demons calling wanting me to kill myself so they can get my soul. i dont even know if i belive in demons or the devil or god in the first place, but if i do i feel like its almost just a sick game, one good guy and one bad guy competeing to see were the soul of a free man will end up. and if this is just a game of something bigger then us then damn were all screwed and its just a joke i didnt choose this. well to sum it up im beyond lost ive been to mental hospitals rehabs etc etc. These suit wearing money sucking people cant help me just cause they have a degree about the human mind they think they can save everyone? i dont know...im just gone...why not end this?