I'm the only one of my kind.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Travsmate, Mar 19, 2015.

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  1. Travsmate

    Travsmate Member

    Hey everyone,

    I am here due to constant struggle over my best mate's suicide and I personally have felt that intent to end my life also but for myself it's not as nagging.

    He was the one person in my Life i felt connected to; Like picturing two brothers who couldn't be closer.

    I also struggle from A-Sexuality and for those who is unaware of the definition it's the lack of sexual attraction or romantic emotion to either male or female sexuality - It also affects my ability to truly love my own family also.

    I feel so alone because no one else i know is like me, I feel so different and the one person who I had all the time in the world for as he did with me, Is no longer with us.

    His mother and sister is all I have at the moment and It feels like I am too reliant on them but at the same time I'd move heaven and earth to protect them and make sure they get through an everlasting heartbreak.

    The last six months my head has been filled with Travis it's all that has occupied my brain so know it feels like all I know and all I care about is him and those that were close to him.

    I feel terrible that I can't love my own family however that connection that was there and should be there, no longer isn't.

    Thanks so much for reading this.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    You sure sound like you were and are an amazing friend to those around you and to those who matter. It is nice to meet you. I hope you find this site as useful as I have, I am also very sorry for your major loss and I hope we can help and guide you through it!

  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    You're not alone. Check out AVEN they have a nice forum for you to check out and relate with them in that area of Asexuality.

    Losing someone very important in your life leaves a huge hole in your heart. It's not easy to deal with a loss like this. I would never say time heals, it doesn't get any easier. Especially with suicide, they leave us with more questions than answers.

    Welcome aboard.
  4. nearlygone

    nearlygone Member

    I am really sorry about your loss.
    It is so very rare to find in a lifetime a soul mate, a twin soul, and then be as fortunate to find it and have to lose it.

    I wonder if you could try to not feel upset and stressed about the way you feel -or not feel-. about your family; perhaps this way, just "being" and letting things flow by themselves for a while eventually they would re-accomodate and you would feel more comfortable with the outcome.
    And same about the struggle from A-sexuality you mention, perhaps could be worth the while to calmly try to stop seeing it as a struggle? To just try to not focus on it as a main issue but try to be you, without labels, just being as you feel, being spontaneous and trying to not think on the impression you could cause on anyone by being you as you are but just doing it and enjoying the freedom of doing it? Maybe this way the 'struggle' would vanish.

    Best regards.
  5. K.Darling

    K.Darling New Member

    I am sorry about the loss of your friend. I understand how words can't ever fully express how that loss feels. I just wanted to let you know that I think I get how you feel about your loss. I lost a girl who may as well have been my sister in July of 2011. All that really helps me, is when you remember that it's not your fault. Just try to live your life like you know your friend would have wanted you to, because they would be upset if they knew how down it all makes you.
    And also, there is nothing wrong with being asexual, you seem awesome, and it's all going to be okay. :) feel free to message me if you ever need to talk, okay?
  6. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. It must have been hard without your friend. You do not have struggle anymore on your own. Life is important and that also means you.

    Yes, there are days where you struggle everyday but you can get through it with being kinder to yourself.

    Please be safe as the memory of your friend will forever be with you.
  7. Jericho

    Jericho Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum, my friend. I hope you can find some peace from sharing your feelings. We are all here to listen and we all offer support.

    Always be safe.
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