I'm thinking more and more about the end

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by josephMerrick, Sep 22, 2010.

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  1. josephMerrick

    josephMerrick Member

    I really don't know why I'm writing this. I guess I just felt the need to let someone know how I feel and you guys are the lucky winners! :)

    More and more, I keep thinking about the end of things. Not just how I'd do it but I find myself thinking about what to write in my suicide notes, how the cops would "find me", the bills and things I have to pay off, stuff I need to return or give away to friends even the last song I'd like to listen to as I go (I picked a great one!).

    This stuff isn't scaring me or freaking me out or anything. It feels like planning a vacation or something. It actually makes me feel better about things. I found myself genuinely feel peaceful for the first time in a long time.

    I don't have the means to do anything yet (at least not by my "chosen" method) but these thoughts are so darn vivid and detailed. So much to the point that I'm even playing back in my head what the reaction of my coworkers (but not my friends or family) will be when they hear of the news that I'm gone.

    I'm sorry for this post. As I said before, I just felt like I had to tell someone and since I have no one in my life to share my feelings with, you guys get to hear it.

  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I truly undertand what you are talking about...I continue to look for other things to bring me that kind of comfort as well...for me it is writing...I can get lost in writing the novel within me...hope you find other things to comfort you too...big hugs, J
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