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im thinking of ending it tonight

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by An Angel in Black, Feb 2, 2008.

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  1. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    i just have no will to live whatsever, and i cant tell anyone, friends family no one about anything. i dont trust them, not the least bit of trust. i hate them all. id yell but i dont the strenght. i just want to die, i have no hope anymore things are getting better and i honestly feel like shooting myself right now. i cant though, not in front of my parents, i need to go somewhere else. everyne leaves you anyway, ill always be alone and i dont want a life where im alone, i just dont. right when you think youve found love and it goes fucking away, you know its impossible then, i havent cracked a smile nor a laugh all day, and my parents cant sense theres anything wrong with me. i want to tell someone so badly, but i cant. i just want to go upstairs right now and blow my fucking brains out
  2. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    I know how you're feeling right now because I've been in this position, I had the pills, the note, everything. All of that changed when I came on here because I found some people who knew what I was going through. People do find reasons to live, it's human nature. Please, please, please wait 24 hours before you do anything. Even if you don't feel like it concentrate on things that could make you happier in the future, you could be missing out on a brilliant life years from now by killing yourself.

    I mean years ago would you have predicted events that have happened to you? Probably not, that to me shows that life is worth the risk of hurt because things could be more than better, they could be fantastic in the future. Please don't give up hope, I'm hoping for a better life for you...

    Keep in touch with us?

  3. New-Hope

    New-Hope Well-Known Member


    I agree with tinypixie.

    Angel please don't do it. I can't begin to imagine what you're feeling like but please try to find a way to hold on - find that tiny piece of hope to hold on to. That's the thing about carrying on... you never know what the future holds...

    I don't feel like being alive tonight either. I just want to go out in the rain, cold and wind and curl up in a ball and freeze solid :sad:

    :hug: please hang in there Angel. We're all here to help you through this.
  4. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    i just dont know..i want to end it so badly, it torture. its excruciating pain i never knew could feel this bad.
  5. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    hold on to what? a unknown future.? ill be alone always unless i find someone i can trust, which i mean comeon, thats not gonna happen. i want to tell someone so badly, i want someone to hug me, and tell me its ok, thell be there for me, they love me, and i just wanna be held more so than anything elese, feel like im somebody special. but im not, its a fantasy, just like falling in love is a fantasy, so what is there to hold on to?
  6. Vargas

    Vargas Member

    I´m understand. But if you are about to kill yourself,why don´t you try newlands. Get away from where you are. It is a good try before you kill yourself. I´ll do that. My dream is to go to the desert in israel,palestine,whatever place where is hot like a hell,because I hate cold.
    It will work for me,but maybe not for you. Just a suggestion
  7. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    you're right, the future is unknown. at the moment it seems like tomorrow will always be like tonight, feeling alone and suffering so much, but this does not have to be your future. who knows where you might travel in the future, and what kind and loving people you might meet, maybe some will be new friends, maybe one will be that someone special. i don't know you, but i know you are worthy of such love in your life. i am certain that one day you will find it.

    as for tonight, i know you are in great pain. the only thing to do until this passes is find somewhere SAFE and ride it out. you mention a gun. can you throw away the bullets? can you call samaritans or a local helpline to ease tonight's loneliness?

    thinking of you,

  8. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    i live in hell..i live in the desert, i want rain and grey skys. nooooo....i get 110' degree heat waves. i HATE the desert.
  9. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    no, i cant call them, because i DO NOT TRUST THEM!!! im sorry but i do not mean to be like this, but im so upset right now.
  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Angel. I'm really sorry for what happened with Agnes. But don't give up on your hope of finding love. Your life is not over yet. Please don't shoot yourself in the head. Agnes would not want that. I'm here for you if you need to talk.
  11. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    Angel, I'm sorry you feel there is nobody out there you can trust at the moment but for all you know it may be temporary, the world is huge, you don't have to live where you do forever and there are many people in the world who would hug you and tell you it was alright, I would if I were there now.
  12. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    thank you, if i were there id accept it..lol i feel trapped, like a rat in a cage, and almost feel like my punishing myself is a neccesity sometimes..i hate my life at this point..but im trying to be strong....im trying..-_-
  13. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Angel. I'm glad that you're ok. Agnes made me promise her that I would make sure that you stayed safe and I'll try my best to make sure that you do. You still have a lot to live for, even though it seem bleak at times. You're young, you're healthy and probably good looking. Yeah, your dad sounds like an asshole, but he'll die eventually, if that helps. Just ride out the storm and know that it will get better one day.
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