I'm thinking of maybe suiciding in the future

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by boomboom, Oct 23, 2011.

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  1. boomboom

    boomboom New Member

    I got owned by the recession and lost a very good job in 2009. Basically, all I ever had going for me was that I was considered intelligent since I was a kid. My entire identity was built around academic and career success.

    I have gotten a new job since, and recently left one voluntarily. The thing is, I can't find one as good as the one I lost. Also, because I was laid off, I'm stigmatized in the eyes of the good employers in my field. It isn't really fair, since it was my first job out of school, I'd only been employed for several months, and tons of people were laid off with me. But whatever, I can't do anything about it.

    The lack of control, the salary hit, and the stigma in the eyes of the good employers in this field are things I just can't deal with. I haven't gotten a new job since quitting my last one and haven't even been looking. I just can't go into interviews and deal with the look in their eyes when I admit to being laid off from the job in 2009.

    I'm living off savings now but that won't last forever. Slowly, things are going to fall apart as the money runs out. I won't be able to pay my student loans, my tax bill, I won't be able to get my car fixed, and I'll eventually be homeless. I feel like suicide would be a way for me to die with dignity so that I'm not some bum on the street having to deal with everyone's scorn. This is by no means something I've decided to do, I'm just thinking of it as a possibility at some point down the line if I can't find a way to fix things.

    Also, I wanted to add that I was physically abused for years as a child and spent time in foster care as a result of it. My brother recently killed himself as well. I just figured I'd and in these facts to provide some context. I saw a therapist a while ago and he thought the foster care thing may be why the career hit bothers me so much.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sure your employers will understand hun so many have been layed off not just you I do hope you get out there and try again make sure you have a reference okay from anyone at your last job stating your abilities So many have been hit hard but you can get another job okay you are bright articulate so please don't give up on yourself just yet you are still young okay still lots of hope yet. You came from a horrible background you got yourself educated all signs of a fighter hun do give up the fight yet. hugs
     
  3. boomboom

    boomboom New Member

    Feeling fine now. Life's too short to be miserable. I'm getting back to my plan for being where I want to be. Thank you total eclipse for the helpful reply.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I do hope you do continue going after those dreams hun those goals. Hugs to you
     
  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    That's a real shame if your potential future employers are stigmatizing you because of being laid-off from a previous job, which wasn't your fault! In my most recent job, I was fired a few months ago for a severe mistake I made, a violation of the company's code of conduct. From there, I am expecting a lot of hassle and trouble as I look for a new job. I am surprised you would be facing it too for something that wasn't your fault.

    If you are having trouble, how do I stand a chance for something that WAS my fault? :(
     
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