I don't want people who know me to think I commited suicide so instead I am just going to quit trying to be alive. I have diabetes, copd, menieres disease, neuropathy, high blood pressure and general poor health. My limbs hurt all the time and I've lost most of the use of my right arm. My left ear has become deaf, my right ear is loosing it's hearing, my right eye is blind, I've got a cataract forming on my left eye so it should be blind in the next year or two, my inner ears are damaged and I have very little balance left so half the time I have to use a walker. My feet are numb all the time and I can never quit coughing. I quit taking my medicines so with any luck I will die of a stroke, heart attact or gangrene during the next year or two. The odd thing is that none of that bothers me. What bothers me is that I'm 41 and I've never been in a relationship. When I was younger I was in great health and couldn't find a girl who would give me the time of day. Now I'm unattractive, short, bald, overweight, almost blind and nearly deaf and my health is failing so I think my chances of meeting someone, getting married, having a family and living happily ever after are getting pretty slim. So while I'm not going to run out and kill myself I am finished trying to stay alive. Is that even suicide? Who cares.