I'm tire of staying alive

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by whats next, Nov 29, 2007.

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  1. whats next

    whats next New Member

    I don't want people who know me to think I commited suicide so instead I am just going to quit trying to be alive. I have diabetes, copd, menieres disease, neuropathy, high blood pressure and general poor health. My limbs hurt all the time and I've lost most of the use of my right arm. My left ear has become deaf, my right ear is loosing it's hearing, my right eye is blind, I've got a cataract forming on my left eye so it should be blind in the next year or two, my inner ears are damaged and I have very little balance left so half the time I have to use a walker. My feet are numb all the time and I can never quit coughing. I quit taking my medicines so with any luck I will die of a stroke, heart attact or gangrene during the next year or two.

    The odd thing is that none of that bothers me. What bothers me is that I'm 41 and I've never been in a relationship. When I was younger I was in great health and couldn't find a girl who would give me the time of day. Now I'm unattractive, short, bald, overweight, almost blind and nearly deaf and my health is failing so I think my chances of meeting someone, getting married, having a family and living happily ever after are getting pretty slim.

    So while I'm not going to run out and kill myself I am finished trying to stay alive. Is that even suicide? Who cares.
  2. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you have a lot to deal with right now. And I'm sorry that that's an understatement, but it's the only thing that comes to mind for me right now.

    I don't know what advice to offer because your health is failing. But I would suggest seeing a professional. They could help you with your emotions.

    My PM box is open if you want to talk.

    Take care. :hug:
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm so sorry for all the physical pain you're suffering. But I'm even more sorry for the emotional. You have a huge load to carry right now. Unfortunately I can't help or change the physical stuff but I'm willing to help you with the emotional stuff. Maybe if you can find some help here for your emotional pain, it will give you the will to want to not die but rather change that suicidal energy into wanting to get the most out of your life. You still have a chance to have someone to share your life with. But you need to find emotional strength first. And from here on out you are not alone. There are really wonderful people here that truly want to help and support others. Please keep posting and let us help you.
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