Im tired but feel obligated to live for others

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dapuppay, Jun 12, 2013.

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  1. dapuppay

    dapuppay New Member

    I have the ability to end my life, but I am afraid because of the people I love being hurt. I understand the pain associated with losing a love one through suicide. I have lost two siblings to suicide one being my twin. I would have gone first but my master plan wasnt thought out too well. Im a nature buff and thought a secluded place in the park would work. Anyhow im going off topic.. I'm at that point of being tired and all Ican think about is ending my misery. I'm tired of doing a procedure almost every day that keeps me alive. Im questioning why bother. Meanwhile my partner is trying to find ways to keep me alive. I dont have the heart to tell her I would rather die. Omg what am i doing? I also dont have the courage to seek face to face help. Its a macho thing my father instilled in me. I am weak but cant verbally say i am weak. There is no way i can stop treatmets and allow myself to pass away. I cant do that because it wud take too long and I hate when my wife isnt happy. I love her dearly but hate life more. She has an upcoming business trip where she will be gone for a month. That would be enough time to do what I need to do. It would be easier that way..but still wrong. Im tired and not sure what to do.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It take COURAGE AND STRENGTH hun to reach out for help ok When your wife is away you go into hospital you talk to your doctor you get the help you DESERVE OK you get well so you be here for the ones you love please hun do that
     
  3. Ocarina of Time

    Ocarina of Time Active Member

    Living for people is possibly one of the best reasons to live. As for me I want to be the last person in my family to well die just so they won't be alone, I'd rather take the burden. You clearly love your wife alot as she loves you too. Get a therapist while she's gone and when she gets back open up to her because she's there for you and she loves you. It's good to seek help, it's good to talk.
     
  4. I think the greatest strength comes from facing the things that make you feel weak. You are strugling with yourself because you want help, but you won't let yourself. The bravest thing you can do is face that. I grew up in a family where all the men are military. My grandfather fought in two wars, my dad was in the army, and all my cousins are active in duty right now. They are very shut off, and they believe in keeping their problems to themselves. I respect them all for what they have and are doing for their lives but I also understand that I am a better person for not being like them, in the sense that they won't deal with their problems. It's easy to shut everyone out, and to refuse help, its harder to break that mindset and to WORK on your issues. There is no shame in it. In fact, it's the opposite. I am proud of myself for taking the steps to move forward past the things that hold me back. And I don't care what anyone says, I am stronger for it.

    My advice, You should look at the things that make you feel like you shouldn't seek help and actually analyze them. We are all human and some of us face hardships that most people don't understand, or wont awknoledge. But they are there, and they are real, and true strength exists in over coming them.

    Good luck, I hope you are able to move forward.
     
  5. mcaibyz2

    mcaibyz2 Member

    You have some one u love and love you. That's enought reason move on. I am all alone for years yet still looking for. Reasons to continue....
     
  6. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel Well-Known Member

    "Living for people is possibly one of the best reasons to live."

    Great words, Ocarina. Very wise and very true. Dapuppay - please remember this and keep fighting.
     
  7. jonsmith

    jonsmith Well-Known Member

    i can relate. i lost my brother and mother to suicide. it's not an option for me because it would destroy my sister. if anything happened to her i would then take my life. we are all each other has. shes divorced twice and i have always been alone
     
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