I have the ability to end my life, but I am afraid because of the people I love being hurt. I understand the pain associated with losing a love one through suicide. I have lost two siblings to suicide one being my twin. I would have gone first but my master plan wasnt thought out too well. Im a nature buff and thought a secluded place in the park would work. Anyhow im going off topic.. I'm at that point of being tired and all Ican think about is ending my misery. I'm tired of doing a procedure almost every day that keeps me alive. Im questioning why bother. Meanwhile my partner is trying to find ways to keep me alive. I dont have the heart to tell her I would rather die. Omg what am i doing? I also dont have the courage to seek face to face help. Its a macho thing my father instilled in me. I am weak but cant verbally say i am weak. There is no way i can stop treatmets and allow myself to pass away. I cant do that because it wud take too long and I hate when my wife isnt happy. I love her dearly but hate life more. She has an upcoming business trip where she will be gone for a month. That would be enough time to do what I need to do. It would be easier that way..but still wrong. Im tired and not sure what to do.