I'm Tired of Being Alone...But Don't Know How to Fix It

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by skyisburning, Nov 21, 2010.

  1. skyisburning

    skyisburning Well-Known Member

    Just recently I crossed the halfway point between being 20 and 21 (i.e. I'm 20 1/2 years old...just in case I worded that oddly) and, while I was excited about some things such as nearing the ability to drink legally, go to a casino, other little things like that...I was really sad at the same time.

    I feel like I am wasting away...and that my life is just, sort of, empty. The reason being because I have still never dated anyone. It never bothered me until I was about 15/16...and even then it wasn't excruciating...but once I graduated high school and went to college, and my friends moved on and we all began the steady track into adulthood (and even my late bloomer friends quickly took off into full bloom), I felt like I was left behind.

    Now, to be fair, I was extremely shy and unconfident in high school...so most of that was all of my own making. Even now, I still struggle immensely with confidence, however I have gotten much, MUCH less shy...in fact, I wouldn't classify myself as shy anymore.

    I think the two biggest problems working against me now are:
    1. My schedule...I am a theatre major and it requires me to be at school everyday of the week (except weekends) from about 9:30am-5pm...and during play rehearsals, it was 9:30am-10:30pm. I don't have time to get a job outside of school, and virtually no place would hire me for that little amount of time, anyway...so keeping that in mind, I never see any new people. I always am around the same folks...and the majority of the guys are gay, really weird (not to be mean, just honest here), or crazy.

    2. My never-ending lack of confidence. Okay, I'll be real honest with you...I know I'm not hideous...but I also know that if I lost maybe 10-15lbs and toned up the teeniest bit that I'd be SO much more attractive (in my eyes, anyway)...but I never do anything about it. I suffer from depression, and I always blame that and my exhaustion for why I don't do anything...but I mean, excuses only go so far. I constantly beat myself up...refusing to flirt with guys because I tell myself, "Ew God, no one wants to flirt with you. You'll just scare them off." But, I have people tell me quite frequently that I'm really beautiful and even hot (got that one earlier tonight, but I don't see it at all--I'm not a super skinny girl...actually a little over average in size) and funny and smart and whatever...but I just.... I don't know.

    I just feel like I'm running in place right now. I'm going nowhere fast...and it fucking sucks. I'm miserable. I'm alone...and I know what I want in a guy (within reason...nothing insanely perfect, and still with leeway for different things), but I can't seem to cross path's with anyone like that...nor do I have times to go out and seek!

    Any suggestions, advice, etc, whatever?
    I'm really quite downtrodden and lonely...

    oh, and p.s....I haven't even kissed a guy...God, fuck my life....this needs to change immediately.
  2. bhawk

    bhawk Well-Known Member

    dont worry about getting with a man, most of us are dicks anyway! Be happy in yourself and focus on having good friends for the time being. Love always finds you when you least expect it
  3. All these mixed emotions

    All these mixed emotions Well-Known Member

    Fake it till you feel it?
  4. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I've heard this post many, many more times than you might be thinking...

    Kissing really isn't a big deal.
    And to be honest; being a *girl/woman* who is a virgin is actually much more of a bonus than anything.

    I get how you are feeling fed up with being alone but relationships are much easier to achieve and keep going if you have some amount of self-confidence.
    I'm not confident in myself either... but I know that the best thing I can do for myself is not jump into a relationship-- and instead; work on making me feel good about me.

    I tell people this over and over again, so it's probably gotten pretty old... but honestly, it's the only thing I can tell a person who is in your situation.
    Make friends, try new things, love yourself and everything else will happen naturally.
  5. varek

    varek Well-Known Member

    Hey, sorry to hear you've got issues with confidence. I know how that feels, and I know it can be really tough around people sometimes, especially people of the opposite sex. I'm sure you're a really great girl and you've got nothing to worry about though :) you just need to start believing it yourself (I know that's easier said than done).

    As for meeting someone, have you tried maybe online dating? Sounds a bit seedy I know but there are a fair few young people our age on it, might be worth it. What have you got to lose? Could be a decent confidence booster too :)

    Hope it works out for you. Message me if you ever want to chat or anything :)
  6. greyroses

    greyroses Well-Known Member

    I am twenty two and have never dated or anything....except one very awkward deal where I did NOT want to be going out with the person...Anyway, I have the same thoughts, often. However, in the last few months I have started to see myself outside of the general "social timeline" we tend to see acted out. I am still scared I will be alone, but I am starting to ask myself what that really means. I have family and I have friends...So I have love. And joy. And a partner will NOT take away my feelings of loneliness etc. If someone comes along, ok. If no one comes along, ok.
    What I am saying is dont compare yourself to others. Take the time you have now to really delve into and digest who you are and what you do have. Grow and develop and blahblahblah.