Just recently I crossed the halfway point between being 20 and 21 (i.e. I'm 20 1/2 years old...just in case I worded that oddly) and, while I was excited about some things such as nearing the ability to drink legally, go to a casino, other little things like that...I was really sad at the same time. I feel like I am wasting away...and that my life is just, sort of, empty. The reason being because I have still never dated anyone. It never bothered me until I was about 15/16...and even then it wasn't excruciating...but once I graduated high school and went to college, and my friends moved on and we all began the steady track into adulthood (and even my late bloomer friends quickly took off into full bloom), I felt like I was left behind. Now, to be fair, I was extremely shy and unconfident in high school...so most of that was all of my own making. Even now, I still struggle immensely with confidence, however I have gotten much, MUCH less shy...in fact, I wouldn't classify myself as shy anymore. I think the two biggest problems working against me now are: 1. My schedule...I am a theatre major and it requires me to be at school everyday of the week (except weekends) from about 9:30am-5pm...and during play rehearsals, it was 9:30am-10:30pm. I don't have time to get a job outside of school, and virtually no place would hire me for that little amount of time, anyway...so keeping that in mind, I never see any new people. I always am around the same folks...and the majority of the guys are gay, really weird (not to be mean, just honest here), or crazy. 2. My never-ending lack of confidence. Okay, I'll be real honest with you...I know I'm not hideous...but I also know that if I lost maybe 10-15lbs and toned up the teeniest bit that I'd be SO much more attractive (in my eyes, anyway)...but I never do anything about it. I suffer from depression, and I always blame that and my exhaustion for why I don't do anything...but I mean, excuses only go so far. I constantly beat myself up...refusing to flirt with guys because I tell myself, "Ew God, no one wants to flirt with you. You'll just scare them off." But, I have people tell me quite frequently that I'm really beautiful and even hot (got that one earlier tonight, but I don't see it at all--I'm not a super skinny girl...actually a little over average in size) and funny and smart and whatever...but I just.... I don't know. I just feel like I'm running in place right now. I'm going nowhere fast...and it fucking sucks. I'm miserable. I'm alone...and I know what I want in a guy (within reason...nothing insanely perfect, and still with leeway for different things), but I can't seem to cross path's with anyone like that...nor do I have times to go out and seek! Any suggestions, advice, etc, whatever? I'm really quite downtrodden and lonely... oh, and p.s....I haven't even kissed a guy...God, fuck my life....this needs to change immediately.