I just can't take being alone anymore, no matter how many times I reach out and try to make contact with people, I'm either pushed away or they're just out of reach. You know when you're trying to grasp at something and you're stretching with all your might, and your fingertips barely brush against what you're trying to reach, but you just can't get a grasp on it? It's been like this for so long, I'm in so much pain from reaching out and not being able to get anywhere, I can't stretch anymore. I just want out, I hate that I go to sleep every night wishing I would never wake up. I hate opening my eyes every morning and realizing I'm still here, I just wish something would happen to me, something horrible and fast, something painless, if only to make it easy on my parents when the coroner says 'she went so quick she didn't feel anything'. The most pathetic thing, the thing I hate the most, is how I can't bring myself to end it all purposefully because I know my family can't afford a funeral. Something as petty as that, I can't kill myself because my family can't afford it. I grew up well off, and now my family is in such financial crisis that even a simple service would cause them to lose their house, their cars, everything. I hate how I'm self-sacrificing. I'm not afraid, I don't have many that would miss me, it's all about fucking money, and how I don't want to burden my family with debt. I can't even fucking do one thing for myself, one last thing without worrying about how much it will cost. I'm tired of all of this, I just want to die, because when you're dead, you're alone because you choose to be, not because nobody wants you. I'm done with feeling unwanted and I'm done with being lonely, I just...fucking done.