i'm tired of everything

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bluewail, Dec 21, 2007.

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  1. bluewail

    bluewail Well-Known Member

    i dont know what to say here or how to say it. trying to pin down the way i feel is really hard for me. its like the language doesn't fit my thoughts. i just know that i can't work out what to do apart from to kill myself. i'm very alone, i think i'm incapable of connecting with anyone else. i just quit my job and moved out of home, so now i don't even have any family or colleagues around me. i go for days without seeing or talking to anyone. i don't know what i'm supposed to be doing with my life. i tried counselling earlier this year, but i ended up just sitting in silence for an hour. i can't verbalise what this is. i've tried to kill myself twice before, both times by overdoses. the first time i guess i didn't know what i was doing and i took the wrong stuff or something, cos after a dodgy night i was totally fine. the second time i think might have worked, but i vomited everything i'd swallowed, though i was still taken to hospital, with the result that everyone i know now knows that i was suicidal. i think they think it's just gone away. it hasn't. i saw a doctor at the same time i tried counselling, and he gave me some pills which didn't really make any difference. i've saved quite a lot of them, and i keep thinking about taking them all at once like i did before. i think about sitting on the railway waitng for a train to hit me. i think about jumping in front of trains on the tube. i think about jumping off motorway bridges. i think about slitting my wrists in the bath. i don't know why i don't do any of those things. i'm worried it won't work. i'm worried it will. i'm worried people will mind. i worry about someone else causing my death, i don't want to do that to another person. all i do is lie in bed all day. i feel so pathetic and useless. i don't know.
  2. JayJay

    JayJay Well-Known Member

    Wow !

    What a posting ! Well welcome to the SF. You have taken the brave step to be here and you'll find that you are in the company of friends who never judge and will simply love and support you. What is causing you to feel the way that you do . ..

    Stay safe !

    Jay x
  3. saeyoon Chung

    saeyoon Chung Well-Known Member

    As the saying goes, empty mind is the devil's workshop..

    Lying in bed all day, staying on the internet all day.. I've done them all and no it was not a healthy way of living.

    All kinds of thoughts are collected and snowball into this imaginary monster that lives only in our thoughts.

    I think getting a new job could make all the difference.
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