I just dont know what to do anymore. I cant take all this pain. Im tired of being a joke at school. Im tired of never fitting in and of never being able to have a conversation with anyone, like a real conversation without them getting a bad impression of me. I dont know why I freeze up and I always get nervous and people think its so funny like a joke, excpet everyone is laughing at me, not with me. My boyfriend is practically keeping me around out of pity. And family issues are a complete mess. I just didnt imagine myself at this place that I am in life. I wont waste time saying its not fair, but I cant help but think it sometimes. It just cant ever get easier, life I mean. Everytime I overcome something awful, theres three more problems lined up that are even worse. I cant win. I dont want to kill myself, I just feel like I cant talk to anyone cause if I say suicide people wont understand and will freak. I used to self harm and when I tried to talk to friends and family they freaked out and I cant talk it out. I just wish things were better. Im just tired of hurting every single day.