I was living it up in my late teens and early twenties, but now I'm paying for it. I ran up all kinds of debts, I rarely worked, I spent what little money I could finding ways to have fun. I had lots of random sex without any concern for consequences. Now I'm 33, I've been quasi homeless for most of the past decade. I'm up to my eyeballs in debt, if I find a job a good size of my check gets garnished. I'm in a homeless program that has me living in an apartment that's a roach infested hell hole. I thought I had that one job that would have let me get my shit together and they let me go before the job even started (and that's despite the fact that my previous job let me go upon finding out I have a new job coming up). I'm tired of that fight. I feel like I'm a hamster, running in its hamster wheel, struggling like nothing else but never getting anywhere for it. I'm tired of never getting anywhere. I'm tired of the fight. I don't want to fight like this anymore. I have a girlfriend and she's the only reason I'm still alive right now. If I knew she was going to be taken care of when I died, I would have gone already. Even worrying about my girlfriend is holding me back less and less. Right now, it's a fight just to get me out of bed to do something like eat or shower or brush my teeth or use the toilet. I'm honestly tempted to take the last of my money, <mod edit - methods> and just peacefully drift off.