Im tired

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wanttodie, Jan 18, 2008.

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  1. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    there is no hope for me and i cant see any future..

    i have been always bullied, humiliated, teased and made fun of because of my antics and poor personality..i was a punching bag for the society

    even when i tried to be friendly people used me for their selfish reasons and then dumped me.

    im tired of fighting and i wish to die but at the same time i would like to kill a few people b4 i go..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 18, 2008
  2. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    Re: Im tierd

    wanting to get revenge on people who hurt my family, made my life miserable, destroyed my childhood and made a suicidal person live in such pain and unhappiness ..how is that wrong ? The only thing weak I ever did was suffering in silence and tolerating the daily insults when I should have sent them to the cemetery. I'm not getting revenge on people who didn't do anything to me. I'm going to limit it to the actual people who hurt me. I won't rest in peace till my revenge on them materializes.this revenge will be coming sincerely from my heart. I'll spend as much time as needed for pay back blow. I hope they either die or are traumatized for life.
     
  3. sami

    sami Well-Known Member

    Re: Im tierd

    I am so sorry to hear you are in so much pain right now, and totally understand that you want to make the people who hurt you see exactly what they have done, and make them feel it too.. You are not weak, you are incredibly strong to be able to come here and talk about how you are feeling. Believe me, spending your life seeking revenge - like making them suffer - is pointless. Don't you think it would be better to fight this and show them that you are so much better than them by coming out the other side and living your life happily?
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Re: Im tierd

    I guess in your situation I would probably want to get some revenge on them too. For a while, I wanted to kill the guy who tormented me in grade 8, but I can let that go now.
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    you are definitely not alone, you took the words right out of my mouth...
     
  6. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    It's 11:50 PM and I am in my bed thinking about my life. I see how much I suffered, how much I have cried, that I was treated like a dog. I realize just now how deep my depression has been when I was in sophomore year of my college. I have actually been suffering trauma in one way or other ever since the day I was born. But it just got worse in last 3 years. Hell doesn't scare me because I know very well what is hell. And now, what I feel is my anger rising up from my nose. But calling it anger is just a polite way to make you understand because what I really feel is difficult to explain. It's pure hate. Hate towards the people. The people that has destroyed my life and that have made me and my parents cry tears of blood.. People who were understanding my depression and mental disease and were just laughing behind my shoulder. Some sons of bitches used to point specifically at me with their finger and make fun of how i dressed. They knew I was a easy target. Teachers used to say that I will become a anti social terrorist even though I was an above average student. School, society, institution of this so called civil world hadn't move one finger to help me. Even the minimum effort to make me understand the way I was was denied. My hate is big. So huge that I feel like I have transformed into a monster like Brolly or Hulk. I don't feel to kill nobody right now, but just to make suffer those sons of bitch that has make me suffer. I want revenge and I will outshine every one. The world is so full of piece of shits and of fucking sons of bitch that it's not difficult for me. I could be socially inept and awkward, but I know that I am intelligent and I am able to make my mind work for me. I will surely find the way to realize my project. It's my revenge, and I'll really do everything to achieve it. Every effort. Even die. To satisfy the hate I feel in every part of my body and of my brain. The only thing that will drive me is hate. I do not want to feel any other emotion. I do not have any other intention to live but to seek vengeance and to surpass everyone who has put me down.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 20, 2008
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    iv been treated the exact same way as u, which is prob why i behave like a recluse now, i HATE everyone except for the people here of course. i sometimes fantasise about killing people i truly hate, and then killing myself.
     
  8. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    im a recluse too and i agree its not funny at all..i feel like i have been subjected to a life long mental imprisonment by people who hate me.
     
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi wanttodie. I'm so sorry that those people treated you so badly. Teachers should be helpful to students like you, who are in need of help. When I was young I was hated by my classmates for no apparent reason too. I can understand your desire to get revenge on them, but you have to let the anger and hatred go, for your own sake. It's the only way that you will be able to move on with your life. The anger and hatred are eating you up on the inside.
     
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