For a long time now I've been an empty shell. Continuing the daily routine but always knowing in the back of my mind that I had no goals or dreams, and having no direction. I thought it would pass as I got older, so I tried to suppress it how I could and continue on. I was a cutter for 2 years, and when I was kicked out of the house for being bisexual, I began to smoke pot daily. This seemed to work. I didn't always have to be high, but just as long as I had that herb at night, I would be able to sleep easy. I was beginning to enjoy my life and see the beauty in things. I still didn't have any ambition or goals, no sex drive, no appetite, but it was better than feeling paralyzed by depression. Then it happened. I had been running a small online business with a friend, and this was my source of income. My friend took all the money in the account, destroyed the work we've been doing for so long and went away. Now it is almost 4 months later. I am in debt. I have no high school diploma or formal education. I am self-taught in everything I do. The rent is due today, I have no money, no food. I've been fighting for as long as I can remember. I've attempted suicide twice in the past, but failed due to my young incompetency. I really want to believe there is something for me here, but when life keeps on kicking you over and over it's easy to lose faith. Every time I get ahead, I am kicked back down. When does it end? Where will I live? What will I eat? What will I do? I don't know, but I sure am tired of fighting.