I'm tired

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AlexSolonik, Jun 30, 2008.

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  1. AlexSolonik

    AlexSolonik New Member

    For a long time now I've been an empty shell. Continuing the daily routine but always knowing in the back of my mind that I had no goals or dreams, and having no direction. I thought it would pass as I got older, so I tried to suppress it how I could and continue on.

    I was a cutter for 2 years, and when I was kicked out of the house for being bisexual, I began to smoke pot daily. This seemed to work. I didn't always have to be high, but just as long as I had that herb at night, I would be able to sleep easy. I was beginning to enjoy my life and see the beauty in things. I still didn't have any ambition or goals, no sex drive, no appetite, but it was better than feeling paralyzed by depression.

    Then it happened. I had been running a small online business with a friend, and this was my source of income. My friend took all the money in the account, destroyed the work we've been doing for so long and went away.

    Now it is almost 4 months later. I am in debt. I have no high school diploma or formal education. I am self-taught in everything I do.

    The rent is due today, I have no money, no food.

    I've been fighting for as long as I can remember. I've attempted suicide twice in the past, but failed due to my young incompetency. I really want to believe there is something for me here, but when life keeps on kicking you over and over it's easy to lose faith.

    Every time I get ahead, I am kicked back down.

    When does it end? Where will I live? What will I eat? What will I do?

    I don't know, but I sure am tired of fighting.
  2. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    "i get knocked down, but i get up again"

    remember that. it's so easy to loose faith, true. but you can turn things around.

    it's possible. try applying for some type of job that requires little experience or education. i mean it won't be big money, but it will be something.

    i wish you best of luck:hug:

  3. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    i am alike you in some ways

    i told my parents i was a bisexual, they were weirded out.

    i wish you luck
    PM me if youd like
  4. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Well... we have few things in common, except that im straight...
    Im also have no education or diplomas or whatever, all i know in my life is what i learned by myself.
    But it looks like that you are in a much better position then I am
    even though i have food, and a place to sleep, you see... im living with my parents
    and i hate them, i hate my parents becouse thay never gave a shit about me
    i live like some sort of an animal, like pet or something, thay feed me and all
    but thay dont do anything ales... i asked them to help me many times
    still thay never did, and alway bussy with thair business...
    and as far as thay considire it, im just a lazy bustard...

    Anyways, i think that you really should see your possition in a positive way!
    First you live in your own place, which is awesome, second of all you had
    you our internet business, which is awesome, even though it failed
    but the fact that you have expiriance with it, can give you a good start
    on creating your own internet buiness again. Remember, people fall and then stand up all thair life,
    this is what make them stronger and more expirianced!

    About money, go to your bank, tell them what heppend, and ask for help
    if it will not work, go for social support
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Is there anyone who can help you in terms of finance, like a relative.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Alex Solonick,
    It is a tuff battle to wage war on depression. I can relate to you being tired, I have battled all my life with depression. It got worst about fouteen years ago when I had a nervous breakdown.
    There is help available. Do you have a therapist and are you on any meds? You really need to exhaust every avenue before you decide to commit. Once you start down that path there usually is no turning back. You took that first step so why don't you take the next one and let us know what is happening with you.
    We are here to help. We offer support and advice. And also you will find clients on the forum that you can call friend. So why don't you give us a chance to help you? Good Luck.:chopper:
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