I'm tired

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AlexDanish, Sep 3, 2008.

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  1. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    I'm tired of the extreme course load that I'm getting this semester. I'm tired of how tough it is. I'm tired of how depressed the english work already is. And it's supposed to get worse. This is only the second day...

    I'm tired... Of waiting for love. It's been 9 months I've been waiting. How much longer? Or is it just never? What happened to everything you wrote? Or does it just mean nothing now?

    I'm tired of wearing long sleeves, everyday of my life (It seems). And yet, at the first sign of trouble, or whenever I seem to inflict suffering on someone else, I run back to the blade. It's a vicious cycle of self-loathing. And the long sleeves are so annoying. Even when I was in the hospital. They made me wear LONG SLEEVES.

    Cliche as it is, I'm tired of my parents dictating my life and exerting control over me. I'm so tired of it.

    I'm so tired of this boring cycle that is life. Faking every emotion. I want to go away and lie down. Listen to music. Write. Be alone. But I'm dogged by people at school. Forcing to laugh, and make jokes, and fit into the goofy stereotype that is me. First sign of change, people want the "old me" back.

    I hate smiling when I don't have to. I hate laughing when I don't want to. I hate faking my happiness and my gladness and my cheeriness, every day. I want to scream to the only person that can help me, but I've lost my voice. I can't be a liability, again.

    I'm not living, I'm just surviving.

    How the hell do you keep going? When you fake it. When you've lost love. When you're beaten down. When you're overworked. When you self-harm. How is it possible? How?
     
  2. As bizarre as that sounds... that was so beautiful. That is exactly how I feel. Reading that... Felt like something I never said. All we can do is go out on a bang. I feel time is growing short, and no one will ever understand why.
     
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    So many questions. In the future i'm sure these questions will be answered from within yourself.
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You have to just keep going and never give up. That's the only way to 'win' at the game of life. You have to resist the urge to self-harm, no matter how tempting it may be. You just have to pick yourself up, dust off and roll with the punches. That's how I live anyhow. :hug:
     
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