I'm tired.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pianocrazee, Aug 4, 2009.

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  1. Pianocrazee

    Pianocrazee New Member

    I'm tired of feeling tired.
    I'm tired of thinking how my life could have been different.
    I'm tired of being reminded of how pathetic I am
    I'm tired of crying because I was raped
    I'm tired of crying because they told me it was my fault
    I'm tired of hearing that I lost God's protection when I drank the beer... and the roofie.
    I'm tired of standing under my porch with a jump rope, ready to let my body sway with the breeze
    I'm tired of hearing what a failure I am
    I'm tired of these pills
    I'm tired of hearing about how you want to die. You cheated on my mom, she gave you a chance, and you said you didn't want her. Shut your fucking mouth.
    I'm tired of saying yes to every guy that wants to fuck, but I'm afraid to say no because it might happen again...
    I'm tired of sleeping, because it's easier than being awake.
    I'm tired of thinking of reasons to live... and drawing a blank
    I'm tired of making others laugh and putting on a smile... fake but convincing

    But why am I always too chicken shit to end it myself...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It was rape It was not your fault who the hell told you this Iam telling you now It was NOT your fault. I am sorry your so tired of defending yourself to idiots to ignorant asses You are still here because you are the fighter you are the survivor and no SOB will be the reason or should be the reason you have to consider death over life. You need understanding and help you need to know you are important and you need rape councilling so you can heal and not let these guys use you and get what they want from you. TAke time out just for you for your healing and stay away from everyone that chooses to hurt you. Who ever told you it was your fault should have the head examined id like to knock them right across their stupid head.
    You need to know there are people who care about you and will help you please reach out and get councilling please don't let anyone destroy you
    YOU are worth fighting for
  3. Pianocrazee

    Pianocrazee New Member

    Thanks for the words of encouragment...

    it was my church leader who told me that. He said that because I drank alcohol I lost the lord's protection and brought it upon myself...

    needless to say I don't attend that church right now...
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    What happened was in no way your fault. What a classic thing to do, use the victim as a sacrifice to make it okay. Well, guess what? It isn't. I know the fight is long and hard and your body and mind become so weary you feel it takes too long to get any better. All you can do is take it one day at a time. You can survive almost anything for one day. Gradually it is 2, then 3, then a week, month etc. You become a survivor. :hug:
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