I'm tired.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by chiendelespace, Nov 5, 2010.

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  1. I feel lonely and I'm tired.
    I've spent the afternoon on phone with a crisis line and well, it still there.

    I had a short relationship that went bad, 8 months ago and still, I can't move on.
    I still have feelings and still have nightmares where the loved one laugh in my face.

    I really do have the feeling I'll be alone all my life. And that's unbearable. I just... don' t want to be alone all my life but that's where I' m going.

    I work in a call center since twelve years. I just can't stand having custumers yell at me. I've been yelled at all my life. I got a degree and I work hard to get a job in my field but no one is calling me back after I send CV.
    I've called the welfare to get help to find a job in my field since it's the third burnout I've done... they refuse to help me because... I got a job. If I quit, I won't have any help neither.

    I don' t have many friends and my family and I don't talk.

    I don' t know what to do. I just want to stop all that.
    I'm too chicken to take the pills and too chicken to slit my wrists but I feel stucked.
  2. ali-wali

    ali-wali Well-Known Member

    I also feel alone, I get shouted at work by patients and I come home feeling so lonely and insulted, but your not alone everybody here is there for you. Could you not try and talk to your family again? Any help is better than no help. Never give up trying to get the job you've worked so hard for. Your break will come one day you've just got to hang in there! Always here if you want to talk xxxx
  3. Hey thanks... I've post here months ago and no one had reply so your reply mean much.

    I know I'm not the only one to deal with it but I feel extremely lonely.
    And well, as for the family... we just aren't close and sincerely, they are very... critics and tend to make me down psychogically speaking. I'm the ''freak'' of the family. So it`s all ''politically correct'' and I avoiding them for anything else than that.

    I mean, my few friends tells me that it not bad to be single all my life, that friends and family are all that matters and that my work isn't that bad but first, they aren't there. There's no one when I'm returning from work. No one to hang out with a friday night. I'm always on my own. I'm really scared to pass the rest of my life alone. Really, really, really scared. I'm a freak. It's tough for me to attract people and to keep them in my life. For many reasons. This as well, I'm getting tired of it.

    The crisis center told me to take it a moment at a time. To go watch TV. But you can' t pass your life watching TV waiting for things to move. And that's what my life looks like: trying to cope and hoping for a miracle to come in. But the miracle doesn't occur. That's not a life, that's survival. And I prefer to be dead than just ''survive''

    I've cut myself so I feel ''better''. The pills and the alcohol are there on sight and it reassure me, there's a way out. I'm going to go draw and drink a pint. But again, that's coping. And coping won't work for very long.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 5, 2010
  4. snd2k

    snd2k Member

    I know what you mean about being tired, I feel like im in a constant battle to just keep on going in life.
  5. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    a little tip, dont slit your wrists. noone ever died from a slit wrist only had scars afterwards that made them feel even more depressed. btw your problems sound totally fixable, would be a shame if you died. pm my ass if you need support
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hey. I know that working in a call center all day must be stressful. People call customer service when they're having problems, like with their cell phone bill and people like to yell at the person on the other end, because they feel that yelling is the only way to get things done. I never yell at the customer service person, because I know that they are just doing their job. Don't give up man. Being single isn't all that bad. There isn't a girlfriend to nag you all day. :tongue:
  7. jasonkramer

    jasonkramer Well-Known Member

    yeah wrists usually dont work.

    can you get a new job?

    the relationship stuff will take time. i highly doubt you will take the 2 years i took.

    most people dont have a lot of friends so you have a lot of company in that. real friends seem to get rarer and rarer as the decades pass. that's partly why the internet was invented.
  8. Alliance

    Alliance Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear it. I was in a relationship for 2 years with a Japanese girl (6-8 months in person, and internet and phone for the other). That ended 7 years ago and I still dream of her not talking to me and rejecting me. I still cry over her sometimes.

    She was the love of my life and every girl since then just wasn't her. I can't have feelings like that for anyone ever again.

    I'm just letting you know that I know how you feel. Hope you find someone new. Maybe change your lifestyle a bit, try something new, try to meet people and something will happen?
  9. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    If you want someone to talk to, you can talk to me

    Just send me a private message indicating your willingness and I shall send you my email address.

    Steven Siew
  10. What do you mean, easily fixable?

    I've tried to changed. Still ended in a call center. It been 6 months that I activately try to change job...

    For the relationship... yeah... I don< t know... do you still do nightmares about the loved one telling you that you<re a looser?

    I try to get over it but... I'm not attractive. Not at all. I even cant replace this person like that while she have probably replace me a long time ago. She doesnt want to hear a thing from me...
  11. Alliance

    Alliance Well-Known Member

    Not a loser, but she won't talk to me and rejects me in my dream. It hurts really bad, and yes they are nightmares. They're more scary than nightmares of ghosts.

    My last ex and I split at the end of August and now she's doing a lot of drugs like hallucinogens and having sex with dealers and other people. I'm not sad or jealous. I'm angry at how mean she's been to me. I called to give her back her stuff and she screamed at me.

    She's bipolar and I just won't take it anymore. I wrote her a long and nasty email (out of hate and not sadness) that she won't ever find anyone as good in bed or attractive as me. Also, with all the drugs she's been using, she's going to be one messed up hag in a few years. Yes, I wrote her that and much more. It's not mean though since she was a total ***** to me.

    (I'm just rambling, sorry)
  12. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    If you attracted your ex then you will be attractive to other women....
    give yourself time...and don't listen to her calling you a loser..
    she's trying to throw all the blame for the breakup on you...
    well done for trying to change your job...don't give up
  13. It's been 20 days. Saw that ex 2 weeks ago. It has been 6 months since I saw her.
    She had bitch the comic I was drawing. I want to show her, because she loves graphic novels. But she bitch my first one.
    I got two other ''NO'' for jobs interviews.

    I had decided to be more positive. To show a ''facade'' and to see if I can attract more people by being positive. But it was a shitty day at work. I heard people say how much they succeed in what they do. But I dont.
    The worst part is I dont know how to suicide myself. Too scared to slit my wrist, tylenol just cause liver failiure. I dont know what to do.
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