I'm too damaged to ever be fixed, aren't I?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by BrokenIcarus, Aug 4, 2007.

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  1. BrokenIcarus

    BrokenIcarus Member

    Hi. It's been awhile. I doubt anyone remembers me. I'm not doing so well. One thing I never said here, and I feel like I have to tell now, is that, from the time I was 4, until 2 years ago (I am 33), I have been abused. In every way, shape and form. My husband tied me up and r*ped me repeatedly during the 8 years I was with him...my uncle when I was 4...my mother...a neighbor...my husband...

    Anyway, lately, things have been very hard, and very lonely. So, I remade contact with the two people who ever really cared - my foster parents. I made contact with the express intention of saying goodbye. It was a loose end that needed tying up.

    I hadn't seen them for 16 years, yet they acted like I never left. The hugged me. (No one has touched me in years). They told me they loved me. They told me I was family still.

    I panicked. I wasn't expecting that. I didn't tell them why I was there...but I told them everything else that had happened. And then I apologized. For bothering them. I apologized again and again.

    And they are a little upset with why I can't just accept that they love me and are there for me.

    How do I tell them that I don't know how to deal with this? How do I tell them I didn't want them to give me a reason to live - and now I don't know what to do. Thats why I am panicking so badly. And I don't know who to talk to about it.

    Please...someone...anyone....any advice? Will it always be like this?
  2. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    It doesn't have to be like this forever. You've had some really bad experiences, and it will take time to overcome them and feel at ease again.

    You probably find it hard to accept their love cos it's people who were meant to love and care for you who've done these horrible things. But that won't last forever. For now, sticking around people who care about you, and staying away from people who don't (as much as possible anyway) will probably help.

    You've suffered for more than long enough, try to see if you can use these next few months to build your self-esteem a little, and learn to trust again :smile:

  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Know what.....these people LOVE YOU!!!
    Trust them hun and let them in so they can help :hug:
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