Hi. It's been awhile. I doubt anyone remembers me. I'm not doing so well. One thing I never said here, and I feel like I have to tell now, is that, from the time I was 4, until 2 years ago (I am 33), I have been abused. In every way, shape and form. My husband tied me up and r*ped me repeatedly during the 8 years I was with him...my uncle when I was 4...my mother...a neighbor...my husband... Anyway, lately, things have been very hard, and very lonely. So, I remade contact with the two people who ever really cared - my foster parents. I made contact with the express intention of saying goodbye. It was a loose end that needed tying up. I hadn't seen them for 16 years, yet they acted like I never left. The hugged me. (No one has touched me in years). They told me they loved me. They told me I was family still. I panicked. I wasn't expecting that. I didn't tell them why I was there...but I told them everything else that had happened. And then I apologized. For bothering them. I apologized again and again. And they are a little upset with why I can't just accept that they love me and are there for me. How do I tell them that I don't know how to deal with this? How do I tell them I didn't want them to give me a reason to live - and now I don't know what to do. Thats why I am panicking so badly. And I don't know who to talk to about it. Please...someone...anyone....any advice? Will it always be like this?