I remember very vividly asking my husband why it is so hard to just live. His answer was "It isn't hard". That was no consolation and I still think that there might be nobody that understands how hard I find just going from one day to the next. So much effort and so much focus. I have to make sure everything is done perfect. Else I will just come down on myself tonight and the failure will repeat in my head for years to come. I have a therapist. She says I am a real bad perfectionist. Together we will be working to trim that down so that one day, I can also say that it isn't hard to live. It's just...right now...here, where I sit in front of my laptop it seems pretty impossible and I am very alone. Hubby is not the emotional type and my Mom needs support herself right now. I don't want to bug her. I wish asking for a virtual hug would help, but right now I need someone who is willing to give their undivided attention, love, ears and shoulders. I'll add the tissues. I'm just not good enough. I never was. That is why there is nobody here right now. Nobody I could phone right now would want to be bothered with me crying for help. I won't allow myself to come across as out of control anyway. The best I can do is pay people to listen. Good grief, I am so tired. What a sucking world. I wish I was someone else or never born.