I cannot relax even one day. There's something bothering me every second. Anxiety, paranoia, apathy, hyperventilation, stress and tremors. And that's just when sitting in my room. If I leave my room, I experience depersonalization, nausea, stress, hallucinations and muscle tension etc. A week ago, I was about to commit suicide. I had written goodbye to some of my friends. Luckily (?), my parents came into my room and sent my to a hospital. I didn't have time hurting myself. I remember I couldn't think of anything but: "I'm going to kill myself, I'm going to kill myself!!" I got tantrum after tantrum that night. I have never attempted before... but when I see things..., I want to kill myself with those stuff..., I didn't choose my horrible disabilities and illnesses!! :cry: I hate my life. I wish I could be a baby again, I wish I could develop normally, that my parents would love me (they say they love me but I can see they don't). Nobody loves a stupid staring unworthy mute maverick girl.