Im trying but cant do it

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by firehawk1, Feb 14, 2010.

  1. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    I'm going through a very very horrific and traumatic experience in my life. some people may already know the story but to have a summary:

    i never sleep around or date multiple people or go from one relationship to another. I have only ever had 2 relationships in my life.
    my last one ended in disaster which was totally uncalled for. Found out she was using me for money and so on and seeking attention from other people but also doing something which I didnt appreciate or thought highly of which brought strain on the relationship.

    I truly loved her and still do to some aspect, and the feeling was always mutual with each other. i had never felt so good and confident until her on a personal basis.

    Anyway in the end, she got me in alot of trouble and now its going to trial for something I did not do, nor is my character.

    I have been put on anti depressants (why should I be?) because of all this.
    I've tried to move on but its difficult especially with this hanging over me and also, I felt so much with that woman. It was already difficult to find someone, someone decent who would give me a chance...until her.

    For the first time, I had some "hot" lady who had taken into a liking of me. last night, went out and spent a fortune on drinks (expensive place), and I dont drink at all but bought her a couple of drinks and went to visit some places and so on, as she likes to go to london.

    So we then got on the last train back (she lives in the next town to me) and she always said to me that she doesnt want the night to end and if she could stay with me. I was VERY hesitant as I already have feelings for my unfortunate ex and cannot just "cut off". Plus, I didnt want this lady to think im a typical bloke, which I am not.

    she kept saying how nice she has been treated and has told me her history of relationships and stuff and I felt sorry and annoys me so much about how people treat women these days.

    So anyway, I took her back to mine and put her straight to bed. she was tired the poor thing. I wasnt sure where to sleep, either next to her and have her cuddle me in my arms, or sleep on the sofa.

    She wanted me to sleep with her and we did. it was great and wonderful. I'm thinking "wow, a hot lady! lol" but im never the one to have sex or anything especially on a first "date".

    So, we woke up this morning, and enjoyed lazying around together and just watching TV. Bless her, she made me breakfast and for herself and I said that no, that isnt right and I should be the one doing it but she just kicked me out the kitchen :)

    Anyway, we enjoyed ourselves and left it at the station that she wants to see me again. She even texted me saying that she has never been treated so nicely and thanks me for that. I said to her that im just me.

    She then asked me what my REAL name was. I do use an alias but for the right reasons (given the way today's society is). She then also saw my anti depressants which were in the kitchen and I completely forgot about it.

    she started to interrogate me via text messages and I felt very uncomfortable. its like she sys one minute, she likes me and wants to see me again and stuff, but the next interogating me about meds and my name.

    I know I should be upfront from the word go BUT I have my VERY good reasons for not disclosing my real name as people become prejudice. I thought she was nice.

    I thought I also proved to her last night that I am a man of self control and dont just get someone into bed and have a "good time". That isnt me. I just hope I made her feel comfortable on that level and thought that attributes like name and so on shouldnt matter....

    ....damn, was so easy with my ex. she understood so much. :(
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you are struggling so much i hope the outcomein court shows to be fair on yur part. It is awful when someone uses you then trys to destroy you. I hope the truth comes out in the end i really do.