Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Amanda, Jul 5, 2015.
I hate myself. I am ugly inside and out.
I feel the same. loI seriously think God has cursed me because: I'm bad at talking with people without being boring and im really not funny, no matter how hard i try. You need to be funny if you want to get through life, otherwise you need looks to get anywhere, which i dont have. All ive ever done is try my best to be a more likeable person, but its never enough because i can't change who i am. No matter how hard i try, i can never be a funny or attractive 15 year old boy. Every boy my age is either good looking, and funny. Trust me, I've tried ALOT to change who i am. If they're not good looking, they are at least funny. But im neither. I'm a very ugly boy, I've always wondered why God chose me to have it so hard. I'm black and Puerto Rican, but i look indian. Whenever people meet me they ask me if im indian and make hurtful jokes. Then when i say something equally mean back, they call me an asshole and call me names and walk away. I try to ignore, but deep down i always feel so sad and really hate myself. I just wish God was fair with me like he is with everyone else. It's not hard for him to do that and he knows it. I only know one person who is just like me, but he is very good looking so he gets farther in life by default. I look way older than i am. Im also 2 inches shorter than the average boy my age. I'm too sensitive and can't make interesting conversation, and am the least funny person you'll ever meet.When i do say funny things i remember other people say, people take my joke to seriously. Not many people get my humor thats all. For some reason, people i dont know always treat me like Crap when i meet them, when all I've been is nice to them. Im grateful that i have a roof over my head, and a loving family. But when i leave the house, I'll have no one. No one to come home to. So i don't feel like trying anymore, i just want to die or comkit suicide, but you go to hell if you commit suicide. Im better off dead. Theres nothing to look forward to at the end of it all, because even though they say theres someone for everyone, i still havent had a girlfriend even once in my younger years, so when i get old I'll be uglier and more boring than ever. I try to stay positive through everything, and pray but nothing ever works for me. I could write on and on, but im trying to solve my problems, and listing too many is absurd. You get the picture. Do you think God hates me? Or is this all just a test? I have a up and down relationship with god, sonetimes i think that this is all gonna get better(which sounds absurd) Other times, i completely lose faith. I don't care if i get any negative answers, nothing can hurt me because all I've felt most of my life at the end of the day. But anyways, i hope at least one goodhearted person will give me a decent answer, to convince me to not kill myself. Either God has given me the hardest test of all, or he just plain hates me.
No, you are not. You are a human being who is suffering like the rest of us. Be strong and keep on living day by day.
I find it difficult to understand why anyone wouldn't just agree with you and address the issue head on.
If you'd said, I'm cold. I am cold inside and out. Then who would dare tell you that your not? That you are actually warm and that you should be strong?
There is a tangible reason for hating yourself. Start there and ask why and don't leave the matter until you have the answer.
Be brutally honest with yourself, but don't try and deal with the issues until you are 100% sure you have listed all the reasons. Don't try and deal with the ugliness issue just accept that others don't see what you see and that viewpoint will change when you've dealt with the loathing....
...I once removed all mirrors from my home except a small shaving mirror.
I am suffering from bdd so i know what it feels like. The only thing that works for me is to focus on something im good at, a passion.
What makes you think you are ugly inside and out? What has brought on these feelings? You're wonderful in my books
You are all sweet. I'm just bummed that I can't find a girlfriend. I'm tired of being the only single one among my group of friends.
join some glbt club and increase your social networking?
I dont think that sort of thing exists where I live.
I know this is cliche, but I totally understand how you feel. I am indeed 20 and have never been in a romantic relationship. I went through the same journey as you did. I thought I was ugly and plus I was an introvert, so making new friends wasn't my strong suit. I felt I have neither looks or personality, just like you did. But I want to tell you what I told myself. Don't change who you are, change is not necessarily bad, but if you are forcing yourself to be someone you're not, it's just a matter of time before you start breaking apart. Accept who you are. No one is perfect, it seems like all you find in yourself are flaws, I'm sure there's positive traits in there. If you can't find them, simply ask your parents, your family. What are your good qualities? Simply regain your self-esteem. Change your perspective about yourself and things will change. I used to tell myself 'Who would simply love you if you don't even love yourself'.
Ps. I don't believe in ugly, everyone is beautiful in a certain way. Personality can be beautiful, and that doesn't have to be 'funny'. Optimism, caring, loyal these can all be beautiful personalities.